Tsunami

I am up right now in the wee hours of morning, awakened by a dream so terrifying that even after waking up and realizing it was only a dream, my heart is still captivated by fear.

In my dream I must have lived close to an ocean. Unknown to me and everyone else in my dream, a tsunami was hitting. Water began to consume the streets. Fear quickly led to complete chaos; every person fighting to save his or her own life and that of their family.

I do not know how long my dream lasted, possibly seconds. However, it felt like a long time before my eyes opened and I slowly realized it had only been a dream.

As I lay in bed, still fearful, I began to pray for God to help me go back to sleep. Sometimes after a troubling dream and the realization that it was only a dream, peaceful sleep follows—but not this time. I wasn’t asking God for the dream to make sense, just wanted to go back to sleep and wake up forgetting that the dream had ever happened.

Instead of sleep, God took me back to my childhood and to memories that I thought were dead and buried. It was as if a video of the most terrifying moments of my childhood were being played back to me. I was reminded once again that some things in my present world are still being impacted by those things that happened to me as a child.

I was reminded of the many times I felt trapped; overpowered and helpless as I did in my dream upon realizing that I was no match for a tsunami. In each instance I remembered the terrible feeling of being a victim; fighting for that part of me which should not have been taken. Fear would strike my heart and paralyze my body. Many times my strength was not adequate to protect the tsunami from striking.

I believe that God is a God who heals. Oftentimes our healing comes in layers, each layer touching those parts of our hearts that have been marked off with yellow tape. The words “CAUTION, STAY AWAY” warn those who dare get close that the outcome of trespassing to those wounded areas of our hearts are dangerous and unwise. Yet, God in His goodness continues to bring us back to those dark places as we learn to surrender every part of ourselves to Him. He heals our wounds and lovingly clothes us with His character.

However, until we are willing to visit those dark places, they never get to heal. Instead, they lie dormant for a time, taking up occupancy in our hearts, as we attempt to live our lives tiptoeing around the yellow tape that holds us gripped in fear as victims. When we least expect it, a tsunami rises, revealing that which we had hoped time would forget.

Sometimes we get to take our pain straight to our Father; healing flooding our hearts as we weep in His presence. Other times we are asked to share our story with others; our vulnerability giving others permission for their own wounded hearts to find healing and freedom.

Ultimately, those things from our past which have marked us, no longer have the power to control us, as we allow God’s love to captivate our hearts in ways that are as powerful and overwhelming as a tsunami.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote