The Amazing Race

(I just stumbled upon this story I wrote many years ago but never shared. I laughed re-reading it and realized that I am not quite as competitive today as I once was, but am still learning to live each day to the fullest in spite of my fears! I hope, in sharing this story, to inspire you to keep living big dreams!)

Many years ago, I convinced my husband that we should apply for the TV reality show, The Amazing Race.  The show takes teams of two and has them travel around the world following clues and doing whatever the clues tell them to do.  For each leg of the race, the last team to arrive to the pit stop is eliminated until at last the final victorious team takes home the million dollar prize.  I didn’t care as much about the prize money as I did about the thrill of the competition.  It was a crazy idea, but since I had gone along with some of my husband's crazy ideas throughout the years, he figured he owed me one and agreed to sign up.

The actual process of applying was quite lengthy, a fact which made me happy since I figured it would weed out the wanna-be participants.  We had to fill out a 20 page questionnaire answering everything from our greatest fear, to which celebrity people say we reminded them of  (in case you’re wondering, mine was Elaine from Seinfeld).  We also had to apply for a passport and put together a three minute creative video of why we should be chosen for the show.  

We decided to make our video clip as exciting as possible and had some friends who were willing to spend the day videotaping our “pretend” canoe adventure down the river which included, at one point, the appearance of us dropping over a huge waterfalls and coming up from the wreckage of our capsized canoe.  I don’t think we had ever laughed as hard as we did putting our video together.  Each Sunday night we would sit together and watch the next episode of The Amazing Race, imagining that we were there and feeling our pulses race trying to decide what we would do if we were in the same position as the participants.  It was the highlight of my week and led to some sleepless nights of imagining the thrill of racing around the world with my husband to places we had only heard about (oh, and beating the competition!).

I started dreaming about jumping out of a plane, one of my greatest fears, and wondered what it would feel like to conquer that fear if push came to shove (quite literally if you wanted to get me out of a plane!).  I started going to the pool to lap swim to prepare myself for the possibility of being dropped into the ocean, another fear of mine.  I knew my husband had fewer fears than me, and I definitely didn’t want to be the reason we didn’t win The Amazing Race, so I pushed myself to deal with my fears.  

As you might have guessed, we were never chosen to be on the show.  It was quite a disappointment at first, but then I realized something.  Just applying for the show had changed me.  My husband’s willingness to do something crazy just because he loved me, knowing how much it meant to me, is something I will never forget.  Hearing my heart beat inside my chest at the thought of doing something daring and crazy made me feel alive-- fully alive-- for the first time in many years.  

Applying for The Amazing Race made me look at life through a different lens.  It forced me to ask myself the question, “What have I been so afraid of and why have I held myself back from living life fully every day?”

What about you?  Are you living each day fully alive or have you given up on your dreams?  It’s never too late to wake up the risk-taker, airplane-jumper, ocean-braver inside of you and start living out who you were created to be.  

I double dog dare you!

Stay the course…

Sheila

Plant Your Flag

At the top of one of the most difficult mountains I have summited, is staked a flag. Each time I summit the mountain, a picture of the flag is taken as a symbol of my personal achievement. 

Someone ahead of me planted the flag a long time ago, yet in that breathless moment of exhaustion and excitement—I own the flag.

The astronauts planted a flag on the moon as a symbol of great achievement. Olympians carry flags representing his or her country to let millions of onlookers know the soil which holds the sweat of their individual achievements.

Flags are carried and planted by individuals who have taken ownership of something—something that is often of such value that a person is willing to risk his or her life in the process of staking the flag. Flag planting can symbolize both personal achievements as well as spiritual markers on our faith journey. A person willing to plant a flag is a person willing to stake his or her reputation on the cause or project connected to the flag.

We read an account of many heroes of the faith in chapter 11 of Hebrews.  Short accounts of flag-carrying men and women whose lives were spent clearing paths through difficult terrain, so that we might one day stake our flags next to theirs. Their flags were planted in faith, with expectation, and the ability to see with spiritual eyes something that was worth dying for, “All these people were still living by faith when they died. The did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.” (Hebrews 11:13)

Personally, I have planted my flag on a mountain of my own choosing, only to later wonder if my chosen mountain was worthy of my sacrifice. Sometimes we need to sit still and pray and wait for God to plant a desire within us of such conviction that when the climb becomes difficult we remain unwilling to turn back because we consider the cause worth the cost. 

One thing I have learned: we cannot manufacture the passion, desire nor commitment necessary to stake a flag on our own strength. Only God, through the gift of His Spirit, can ignite us and consume us with desires that, once planted, result in staked flags that point to Christ. We become conduits through which God’s goodness and glory shine as we persist in our God-given ventures.

If you, like me, remain uncertain what it is that your life is to be spent for—in other words—you haven’t felt the freedom to start up any particular mountain with a flag in your back pocket which must be planted whatever the cost—don’t be discouraged. 

Not every season of life is a plant-your-flag kind of season. Summiting a mountain requires preparation. Prayer, reading the Word, resting in God’s presence and learning how to hear His voice are necessary skills if we are to successfully summit our mountains. In these moments of preparation, as our spirits groan before God, His passions and purposes are planted in the depth of our souls while all that is not of Him is pulled up by the roots. This can prove to be a painful season but is necessary for what lies ahead.

We don’t get to decide the length of our preparatory season prior to planting our flags. It is for us to trust that the One who has called us is “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20-21) 

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Show Me Your Glory

Some years ago as I was going about my night, I felt a familiar aching in my Spirit. Instead of pushing the uneasiness aside, I retired for the night so I could be alone with both my thoughts and my prayers.  The need to have an audience of One overwhelmed me.

As I lie on my back on my bed, arms stretched toward heaven, I prayed a bold prayer. So bold, that even I was unaware of the magnitude of the request that escaped from my heart and out of my mouth: “Show me Your glory, Lord.”

Nothing happened at first.

My boldness grew as I stayed the course in my request, “SHOW ME YOUR GLORY!”

I’m not certain how long I presented my request before God, when suddenly His glory filled my bedroom. In what might have been the fastest reflexes I have ever experienced, my hands dropped to the bed, grabbed the blankets, and threw them over my head. “Enough!” “ENOUGH!” I cried. 

Holy fear replaced the incredible boldness I had felt only seconds earlier. I trembled under the covers, still feeling the weight of His glory. Words escaped me until at last His peace flooded my inner world, at which point I removed the blankets from my face. 

We read in the Word about Moses having a conversation with God. Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence… “But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” Then the Lord said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.” (Exodus 33:17-23)

No man has ever seen God (John 1:18), yet because of Jesus and the hope and freedom He has given us we are told, “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” (II Cor. 3:17-18) We reflect the Lord’s glory! He continues to tell us, “For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 

We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. (II Cor. 4:6-7)

As we press forward and lean into God, His glory penetrates every fiber of our being. The lost are drawn to Christ through the glory of Christ reflected through our unveiled faces.

One day we shall live in a city that “does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp.” (Rev. 21:23)

However, until THAT day, we—the children of God— reflect His glory. 

I pray that our worship reaches to the highest heavens as we fall on our faces in the presence of His splendor and glory.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

No Chains On Me

Several days ago I walked into my daughter and son-in-law's home for a visit. My granddaughter Yetzy, now 8 months old, caught sight of me and crawled as fast as she could toward me with total excitement and joy in her eyes. Uninhibited, unencumbered, fully expecting her grandma to pick her up and kiss her entire face. Which of course, I did.

Later as I rocked her to sleep, I found myself staring into her angelic face. 

As I stared, I thought to myself, “This is how we all started, for the most part: trusting, loving, full of joy. No walls of protection, no chains of bondage, no fear of rejection.” 

I continued to rock Yetzy, gazing at her from time to time in awe of the trust she had in the one holding her. I had done nothing to earn her trust other than simply love her. Hmmm…my thoughts turned to my Maker and His relentless love toward me; a love I am old enough to realize, is undeserved. A love that feels impossible to receive at times.

In the quiet rocking I reflected on the truth of who God created each one of us to be; after all, we have all been created in His image (Genesis 1:27). He knew us before time. In spite of the truth of who we are today; He still looks upon us and sees us as He created us to be. The hurts, rejections, abandonments, betrayals and losses we have tasted were never intended to cause us to put up walls nor push away from both God and man. Sometimes love hurts but we must still chose to love; because God IS love (and remember, we are made in His image). (I Jn. 4:7)

I pondered this simple truth as I unconsciously continued to push the rocking chair in a rhythmic flow. What would it look like to live with no chains? The thought felt risky and daring and ridiculous. Who would willingly open up his or her heart to another and risk the fallout of what could be? Jesus would. Jesus did. Jesus does. Humbled to a sinner’s cross, arms open wide, our sins forgiven as His blood was shed for our freedom from chains. Our Savior risked it all regardless our acceptance or rejection of His love…

My prayer time this morning is different. When I close my eyes I can still smell the sweet aroma of my granddaughter. I can feel the love of God through her joy-filled eyes and her fully trusting heart. Childlike faith is necessary to embrace the love of God (Mt. 18:2-4). It feels ridiculous and risky—vulnerable and silly…and at the same time, as beautiful as my granddaughter.

Stay the course…

Sheila

I Just Wanted To Be Sure Of You

Tacked to my office wall is an endearing picture of Piglet and Pooh, given to me by a friend. The photo shows Piglet and Pooh walking together, Piglet’s hoof reaching to hold Pooh’s paw, and it reads: Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh!” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” Something about this simple statement resonates with me. It’s a powerful picture of what each of us feels from time to time when we need to know that we are not alone. Throughout the Bible, the reality of people needing people is apparent. In the book of Genesis, God creates Adam and soon realizes that “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” -- and Eve was created. (Genesis 2:18) Jonathan and David were joined in spirit with a friendship and love which David describes as “more wonderful than that of women.” (II Samuel 1:26b). Their friendship was tested over and over again as they strived to “be sure” of one another. Friendships come and go throughout our lifetime as we risk being vulnerable to people we must be sure of. We must ensure our safety as we remove our masks and pray that the truth of who we are will not be a deal breaker. The forming of such relationships can happen suddenly, as in the case of Jonathan and David, or over years of staying the course with one another through the ups and downs of life. When the ordinary events of life reveal the truth of what we cannot hide, we need to know that our fragile hearts will be safe—we need to know that we are with someone we can be sure about. The story of Thomas and his struggle with unbelief is a familiar story that for thousands of years has given Thomas the nickname “Doubting Thomas.” (John 20:24-28) I wonder how often the disciples removed masks, revealing gut-level honesty about their doubts, fears, and lack of belief in their one-on-one relationships with Jesus. Such moments may not be recorded in the ancient scrolls—but I reckon they were some of the most intimate moments where true friendships took root, forged in the muck and mire of life, as Jesus’ character showed that He was someone a person could be sure of. I believe the truth of each disciple’s heart was fully embraced by Jesus in these moments. Instead of feeling worthless or powerless, Jesus reached out to each disciple and each person He met to affirm His unconditional, unwavering love for them. Friendship with God is something we can be sure of. God’s love and affirmation replace the fear of what man can do to us and enable us to be a person of love, just as God is love. God’s affirming love and the gift of His Spirit allows us to pour out of ourselves into the lives of those we meet—giving us the ability to be a trusted friend that another can be sure about. Stay the Course…

The Easy Way or The Right Way

With all the kings mentioned in the Old Testament, it is impossible to remember who is who. However, each time a man becomes king, there is a short description stating his name, how old he was when he became king, how long he reigned, his mother’s name, and one line that describes the character of the new king. 

The one line is either, “He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord,” or “He did evil in the eyes of the Lord.” 

This one line gives us a heads up on what we are about to read. In the case of one evil king, Jehoram, we are told: “He passed away, to no one’s regret.” (II Chronicles 21:20b) Not the most positive obituary!

Some kings start out good but then, after many year’s of God’s blessing and favor, they make one bad decision without first seeking God. Sometimes a king will allow one area of sin to remain in his kingdom while serving God in every other area. Asa was one such king who traveled a long way with God before getting off track. We learn that his sin was not so much deliberate disobedience as it was choosing the easy way rather than the right way.

During the early years of battle, King Asa sought after God with his whole heart.  Then, because Asa did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord his God, God blessed him with many years of rest, “No one was at war with him during those years, for the Lord gave him rest.” (II Chronicles 14:6b)

I can’t help but wonder if King Asa grew so accustomed to a life without battles that he forgot his great need for God or simply forgot about God. 

I know I have spent more time on my knees in the valley than I might during a time of personal peace. 

Many years pass before King Asa’s next big threat confronts him in the thirty-sixth year of his reign. This time, King Asa resorted to self-reliance instead of seeking God. 

Baasha, king of Israel, the rival northern kingdom was threatening the peace of Judah. King Asa, now a wealthy king, convinced King Ben-Hadad to break his alliance with King Baasha by making a treaty with himself instead and bribed him with silver and gold out of the treasuries of the Lord’s temple, thus disabling King Baasha to cause harm to Judah.

Because King Asa took the easy way, he was confronted by a man of God, Hanani, who told him, “You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war.” (II Chronicles 16:9b)

When confronted with his sin, King Asa becomes angry. Instead of repenting he throws Hanani in prison. Pride was ultimately King Asa’s downfall. 

Three years later, in the thirty-ninth year of King Asa’s reign, he was afflicted with a disease in his feet. Still, King Asa rebelled, “Though his disease was severe, even in his illness he did not seek help from the Lord, but only from the physicians. Then in the forty-first year of his reign Asa died and rested with his fathers.” (II Chronicles 16:12-13)

How humbling to consider the many times we face trials and conflicts in our daily lives only to seek man-made solutions instead of seeking our Father. 

In the New Testament, Jesus teaches about choosing the right way instead of the easy way when speaking about heaven, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

Regardless of whether we are in our first year of living for God or our thirty-ninth year, I pray we will choose the right way every day — to our final breath. Somewhere on the other side of a small gate down a narrow road our Reward will meet us with arms open wide.

Stay the Course…

Sheila 

Do What You Can (While You Can)

We all have opportunities presented to us that require action within a window of time—if we don’t respond within that certain timeframe, the window closes. Often the window of opportunity only presents itself once.

There is a powerful story in the Gospel of Mark which depicts in beautiful detail such an instance. 

The story takes place two days before Passover and the Feast of Unleavened Bread. At this time, “the chief priests and the teachers of the law were looking for some way to arrest Jesus and kill him.” (Mark 14:1b)

“While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.” (vs. 3)

It is apparent that this woman, identified as Mary in the Gospel of John, is driven by a sense of urgency; she did not ask permission for what she was about to do. 

“Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly.” (vs.4)

However, Jesus was able to see something and understand something that no one else could see or understand. “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. She did what she could.” (vs. 6-8)

“She did what she could” in the Message translates as, “She did what she could when she could.” 

How many times do we find ourselves in situations where the Holy Spirit nudges us to action? Oftentimes, the conviction is one that might make little sense to those around us.

As we take in the daunting needs of the world, both in America as well as Third World countries, it can be easy to sit on our hands and do nothing due to the enormity of the needs.

Instead of feeling that we must solve the world’s problems, God allows us to use what’s in our hands to meet the needs of those within our reach. The Holy Spirit’s prompting leads us to serve the needs of our own communities as our form of worship, bringing glory to God.

Mary did not know that what she was about to do would be recorded in the gospel and preached throughout the world in memory of her; she only knew that she needed to act swiftly. The need to be obedient outweighed the fear of harsh rebuke from man. She did what she could when she could.

Opportunities to act may feel as small as a whisper or as powerful as lightening. Either way, I pray we will remember the faith of those who have gone before us—I pray we will do what we can while we can.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Seven Year Battle

An interesting observation when reading the Old Testament is the large number of battles that are fought and subsequently, the large number of casualties. 

Every time you turn around; there is a battle going down. Not so different from our world today.

Very recently, a personal battle of my own came to light. I had intended to keep the battle to myself, as I have for the past seven years. I had been fighting this particular battle alone on my knees in prayer; believing with all my heart that I was responsible for my own defeat or my own victory. After all, the world has enough problems. In light of the bigger picture, my battle didn’t feel significant enough to rally the troops. 

Amazing how one lie from the enemy can hold enough power, over time, to wear down a believer to the point of giving up hope. If there was not a battle for our souls at hand, the Word of God would not have given us the warning, “do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:27)

The truth is, battles are not meant to be fought alone. That’s not to say that we aren’t responsible for putting our own battle garb on each morning in our personal prayer closets. It’s easy to forget that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (I Peter 5:8) If he can convince us that we are beyond hope, we are prone to forget that the blood of Jesus has bought us, purified us and made us the holiness and righteousness of God. (II Cor. 5:21)

In our personal battles, I am learning that the best starting point toward victory is in the laying down of pride and the picking up of humility.  The cloak of pride is light and easy to wear, but the consequences of choosing pride yields hardened hearts and the belief that we know what is best for ourselves. Pride blinds us to the truth that in Christ we are conquerors, not victims of Satan’s schemes. The cloak of humility is heavy, its weight impossible to ignore, but once fully in place the consequences of humility are such that hard soil is softened, bitter hearts receive healing, and self absorbed eyes begin to see the needs of those around them and are filled with compassion. 

Remember, it was because of pride that Satan was cast out of heaven. Yet, the humility of Christ was and is the root and representation of His life. He became nothing so that God could become all.

I will be honest—I could have easily lost my personal battle. Inwardly I had surrendered to defeat and was about to turn my back to the enemy (a true sign that my end was near). Thankfully, an attentive shepherd noticed one angry sheep hovering dangerously close to a cliff, and gently reminded me of the truth of God’s Word: “Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he as sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:13-16)

I had to trust that my spiritual leaders were for me and not against me. This can be tough to do if trust has been broken by those in spiritual authority—yet God’s desire is for us to be prayerful and persistent in finding a healthy church family. (Hebrews 10:25)

If you are stuck in a battle and it seems there is no hope in sight; I urge you and plead with you to not give up. Do not turn away in defeat and thus open yourself up to the devil who is foaming at the mouth, ready to pounce and destroy you. Don’t turn your back to the church either—there are anointed shepherds in local churches who are willing and prepared to grab ahold of the prayer baton and get down in the trenches with you until your victory is realized. Allow another’s faith and tenacity for God to carry you when you are too weak to fight for yourself.

Do THAT thing—the thing you are most afraid to do—reach out for help. 

Your life has purpose. Your battle is not your own. You do not need to become a casualty of your own war.

Choose humility.

Stay the course…

Sheila

Mountains and Valleys

(I posted this a number of years ago with the name "Mountains." I have changed the title because life is both a beautiful and painful balance of mountains and valleys. As Ted Loeper once wrote, "We are all a messed up mixture of glory and grime." I couldn't agree more.)

On the mountaintop I hear Him; His voice echoes in the winds

He gently breezes past me, dancing over rocks and bends.

In the valley He is near me whispering with each weary step;

“Do not be anxious; do not worry, for I know all that lies ahead.

As you labor on this mountain don’t forget to look around,

There is beauty in the journey; there is much joy to be found.

As you stumble over tree roots on the narrow winding trail

Out of breath and out of hope may My joy help you travail.

Dip your hand into the brook where icy mountain waters flow

Drink from the pureness of My beauty and your countenance will glow.

It is My desire to keep you, to refresh and to renew

You can accept Me or reject Me; the choice is up to you.

I will not force Myself upon you; you may walk near or far away

Though my heart longs to embrace you, the choice is yours to stay.

No judgment do I harbor, though your heart is hard as stone

I will tarry on this mountain, you will never be alone.

As you climb above the tree line, your foot unsteady on the shale

Ever pressing through the weather, through the rain, the sleet and hail

I will keep your foothold steady, I will cover and protect

Nothing shall touch My Beloved though you resist, though you deflect.

When at last you reach My mountaintop; My beauty to behold,

I will reveal to you new things, priceless treasures to unfold.

Close your eyes, find My rest, allow My winds to dance upon your face

Learn to trust Me fully, cling tightly to My grace.

The world whispers in your ear, you are forced to make a choice

To listen to the god of lies or to tune your ear to hear My voice.

Draw near to Me, I will draw near to you; seek Me with all your heart and soul.

I shall be found by you when you seek Me; may My love be your greatest goal.

Whether on the mountain top or in the valley low

Both places hold my favor--when you are rooted in Me 

You will flourish and grow.

Take My hand; I’ll guide your steps

For indeed the path is rugged,

I am God, I am Creator—

You are My Beloved.” 

Stay the Course...

Sheila

It Is Written

I have recently been reminded of the importance of being in the Word above all other things that distract such as career, hobbies, friends, entertainment and even family.

It is easy in the busyness of life to get caught up in the little distractions we face on a daily basis and slowly lose sight of the bigger picture.  The bigger picture is that we are simply visitors here on earth—our lives are not our own. I forget this simple truth quite often.

I also forget that we are in the midst of a battle, a spiritual warfare; and the forces of darkness will not let up or back down in the fight for our souls. If this sounds extreme, don’t take my word for it; get into God’s Word where everything we need to know about life and death can be found. It is written, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph. 6:12)

Paul, the author of the book of Ephesians doesn’t merely tell us this as informational but rather as a warning; and he goes on to tell us what we can do to ensure we are not taken out in the battle, “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” (Eph. 6:13-18)

Paul implores us to remain alert. Alert by definition is “quick to notice any unusual and potentially dangerous or difficult circumstances; vigilant.” 

It is written again in I Peter 5:8, “Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 

As we stay vigilant in the Word of God, the Spirit of Truth will lead us, guide us and give us discernment and wisdom as we commit to remain alert. Not only are we to be aware of those within the world who might seek to destroy, but also those within the church who profess to be believers. It is written, “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:15 & 16)

Perhaps this is why we are told to always keep on praying for all the saints. None of us are strong enough or amazing enough on our own to withstand spiritual warfare or to stop every flaming arrow of the evil one. We need one another.

We the church need to put down our phones and pick up our Bibles. Lift up our eyes, drop to our knees, lay down our pride and pray as if God is everything because in essence—He is just that!

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Your Faith Has Healed You

Many years ago, nine to be exact, I participated in a week-long two-fold conference. The conference was intended for those whom needed healing from past abuses or hurts so that they could then, in return, lead courses for others who needed freedom from past wounds.

I had no idea throughout that difficult week that the biggest abuse of my life was awaiting me in the future. I also had no idea that the wounds would come from within the church, from the hands of a person I trusted—a man of the cloth.

I know my story is not unique nor isolated to myself; which is why I am sharing.

Throughout the past nine years of limping along on my faith journey, I have met some of the most amazing wounded believers, men and women whom I might have never stopped to notice if not for the handicap of my own limp.

Now that I am a part of a healthy church, my prayer has turned from one of seeking personal healing to one of a deep desire to know my Maker like never before. My prayer is to offer hope to other limping believers—not because I am all better but because I recognize something I was unable to see before:

The wounded cannot sit quietly in the shadows of the church awaiting a touch for our own hearts so that we can feel worthy enough to help others. 

This is a very tough juxtaposition for a believer who thinks he or she must be “all better” prior to lending a helping hand to another. Truth is, we have more to offer in our present state of brokenness than we had to give prior to acknowledging the fragility of our own hearts. 

Pause and consider the beauty of Jesus walking along the dusty road, crushed on every side by people.  Within the crowd there was a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years. She was tenacious enough to reach out and grab the edge of Jesus’s cloak.  Jesus was unwilling to overlook this desperate woman but instead stopped dead in His tracks for her: “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out of me.” Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” (Luke 8:43-48 NIV)

Once our focus shifts from dwelling on our own impossible sets of circumstances to instead one of pressing in to touch our Savior, our faith grows. We are restored. There is no pressure to “try harder” or “do better.” What a relief when we are able to come out from hiding, fall at the feet of Jesus for healing and be received in His presence due to no merit of our own just like the bleeding lady. 

In humility, we need only reach out and grab ahold of Jesus—whatever we are bold enough to grab—His hand, the edge of His robe— in whatever state of brokenness we are experiencing. 

Can you imagine having the tenacity to trust your small faith to a Savior who knows you, loves you, and longs to bring healing and peace to your heart? 

Me neither—but I’m willing to try.

Stay the course…

Sheila

A Time to Mend

Last night at church during prayer, a 6-word sentence was spoken that landed on my head like a heavy blanket: “God wants to mend the church.”

I had never before heard such a statement.

I tried sorting through what meaning I was to glean from the sentence as well as attempt to understand why it landed on my head with such force.

In Ecclesiastes we learn that there is a time for everything; the list is long but in verse 7 we find there is “a time to tear and a time to mend.” 

Webster’s defines “mend” as: repair, patch, put into good order something that is injured, damaged or defective. Mend implies making whole or sound something broken, torn or injured. To remove or correct defects.

Having a mother who is a seamstress, the word mend has always pertained to an article of clothing to me.  

If God wants to mend the church—He must surely be referring to His people—me and you.  If we need to be mended, it would go without saying that we would first have to acknowledge that we are broken and in need of repair. This act alone would require laying down one’s pride and praying for God’s gracious gift and stamp of humility.

One thing I do know—a broken person cannot fix him or herself.  

Psalm 147:3 reassures us that we have never been expected to self-heal, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Only a Heart Specialist can mend a broken heart.

One of my favorite chapters of the Bible, Isaiah 61, paints a beautiful picture of why our Savior came to earth, “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release for the prisoners.” (vs.1b)

Pride, our greatest nemesis, often paralyses a believer, making it difficult to acknowledge the truth we hope no one can see.  This truth is that we are a broken, captive prisoner unable to break our own chains of bondage. Only the Spirit of Truth can reveal truth whilst simultaneously offering freedom. But first, we must confess that our time of mending is at hand.  How can we lead others to the Heart Specialist if we are not willing to trust our own hearts in His hands?

The sharp knife of betrayal, hurt, and injustice sometimes pierces the deepest from within the walls of the church, causing the tear to feel irreparable.  God still desires to mend such a heart; making the mended heart stronger than it had been before. Hence making the church stronger than before.

I pray that God will give us a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, and that He will mend His church, the brokenhearted—starting with me.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Brace For Impact

(This blog was inspired by my dear brothers and sisters in Christ who, like myself, have experienced trauma at the hands of a man of the cloth in the form of spiritual abuse. I write this blog in an attempt to bring hope to the next chapters of our stories; I truly believe that the best is yet to come.)

I was faced with a situation this week that caused loss of sleep and trepidation of heart.  

My husband and I were invited to meet with our new pastor and his wife over dinner to discuss a ministry opportunity at the church.

Such a scenario should sound non-threatening and should be seen as an evening to look forward to—unless your experience with pastors and churches in the past has been painful.

I prayed throughout the week each time the feeling of dread and fear attempted to override my thoughts.

After many years of not being able to articulate my thoughts on spiritual abuse in a way that another could understand, I was finally given a picture in my mind of what I am calling my airplane analogy:

Imagine that you are a passenger on an airplane. You’ve flown many times and are confident that nothing could possibly happen to the plane because, well, you’re on it! 

Suddenly the voice of the pilot interrupts your thoughts as you hear these words come over the intercom: “Brace For Impact!”

The plane begins to plummet. You’re no longer able to think about anything except how helpless you feel. Your world spins out of control. Your stomach rises to your chest; you fear you will surely die. You have never felt as alone as you do in this moment.

By the grace of God, the plane stabilizes and is able to make an emergency landing, you do not receive so much as a scratch to mark the traumatic experience.

Life goes on, and you remain thankful each day that you are a survivor. Though you appear unscathed to those who know you; the trusting childlike heart within you has been raped.

In the still of night you awaken with a gasp to the moment that emerges unwittingly in your dreams—the plane is crashing— the pit in your stomach once again churns with fear.

Eventually the day arrives when you must face your fear—you must board another plane. You don’t want to, but you know you must. Who do you talk to whom might understand your trepidation? Who but God can be trusted with the true state of your heart?

The four walls of the church is the airplane we tiptoe around hoping to avoid for a very long time, if not forever, once we have been spiritually abused.  If we have been hurt once, twice or three times how can we trust that the next plane won’t crash too? We feel foolish to think we can trust those who have already failed us, hurt us, and left us fighting for our lives without so much as a backward glance. The question which hovers tauntingly just beyond the reach of an answer remains: "Can I trust another pastor?"

We readily admit our inability to endure another near-fatal crash and begin to doubt the earnestness of our long-professed faith.

It feels safe to stay home, lock the door and drop the shades to self-protect. The father of lies whispers defeat, despair and destruction meant to sideline us, render us useless, and destroy the very core of who we are as believers. 

For myself, I have had days where I have self-protected. God has not left me alone on the days when I believe the lie that I will never again be able to fly.  Though I finally understand that I will never be the person that I was prior to the moment that I braced for impact; there is a steeliness that continues to fill me; a determination not to allow fear and lies to rob the beauty nor the strength of God’s Spirit within me. 

The same Spirit resides in each one of us believer-survivors. After all, we survived for a reason. Our lives are not our own; we have been bought at a great price. This is a truth worth remembering.

I know from my own story that I cannot ask anyone to give church another chance, nor would I attempt to do so. But I do know that the desire to be a part of both the local and the universal church will never go away; that’s part of the gift of the Spirit of Truth. We are God’s children—imperfect, limping, broken and hurting—His beloved sons and daughters. We are His church.

Many years later, I am learning that the gift we have been given from an experience that was meant to destroy us, is the ability to look in the mirror and see the truth of our own humanity, not in spite of our stories but because of our stories.  We must dig deep into the grit of our souls and walk through those church doors trusting Abba, our Faithful Pilot, that the plane will not go down.

As we drove away from our meeting with our pastor and pastor’s wife, my husband stated with relief in his voice, “That was the best meeting we have ever had with a pastor.” I agreed and reached out to hold his hand as we drove quietly toward the future with a third companion--our long lost friend, Hope.

Stay the Course…

Sheila