Seven Year Battle

An interesting observation when reading the Old Testament is the large number of battles that are fought and subsequently, the large number of casualties. 

Every time you turn around; there is a battle going down. Not so different from our world today.

Very recently, a personal battle of my own came to light. I had intended to keep the battle to myself, as I have for the past seven years. I had been fighting this particular battle alone on my knees in prayer; believing with all my heart that I was responsible for my own defeat or my own victory. After all, the world has enough problems. In light of the bigger picture, my battle didn’t feel significant enough to rally the troops. 

Amazing how one lie from the enemy can hold enough power, over time, to wear down a believer to the point of giving up hope. If there was not a battle for our souls at hand, the Word of God would not have given us the warning, “do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:27)

The truth is, battles are not meant to be fought alone. That’s not to say that we aren’t responsible for putting our own battle garb on each morning in our personal prayer closets. It’s easy to forget that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (I Peter 5:8) If he can convince us that we are beyond hope, we are prone to forget that the blood of Jesus has bought us, purified us and made us the holiness and righteousness of God. (II Cor. 5:21)

In our personal battles, I am learning that the best starting point toward victory is in the laying down of pride and the picking up of humility.  The cloak of pride is light and easy to wear, but the consequences of choosing pride yields hardened hearts and the belief that we know what is best for ourselves. Pride blinds us to the truth that in Christ we are conquerors, not victims of Satan’s schemes. The cloak of humility is heavy, its weight impossible to ignore, but once fully in place the consequences of humility are such that hard soil is softened, bitter hearts receive healing, and self absorbed eyes begin to see the needs of those around them and are filled with compassion. 

Remember, it was because of pride that Satan was cast out of heaven. Yet, the humility of Christ was and is the root and representation of His life. He became nothing so that God could become all.

I will be honest—I could have easily lost my personal battle. Inwardly I had surrendered to defeat and was about to turn my back to the enemy (a true sign that my end was near). Thankfully, an attentive shepherd noticed one angry sheep hovering dangerously close to a cliff, and gently reminded me of the truth of God’s Word: “Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he as sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:13-16)

I had to trust that my spiritual leaders were for me and not against me. This can be tough to do if trust has been broken by those in spiritual authority—yet God’s desire is for us to be prayerful and persistent in finding a healthy church family. (Hebrews 10:25)

If you are stuck in a battle and it seems there is no hope in sight; I urge you and plead with you to not give up. Do not turn away in defeat and thus open yourself up to the devil who is foaming at the mouth, ready to pounce and destroy you. Don’t turn your back to the church either—there are anointed shepherds in local churches who are willing and prepared to grab ahold of the prayer baton and get down in the trenches with you until your victory is realized. Allow another’s faith and tenacity for God to carry you when you are too weak to fight for yourself.

Do THAT thing—the thing you are most afraid to do—reach out for help. 

Your life has purpose. Your battle is not your own. You do not need to become a casualty of your own war.

Choose humility.

Stay the course…

Sheila

Mountains and Valleys

(I posted this a number of years ago with the name "Mountains." I have changed the title because life is both a beautiful and painful balance of mountains and valleys. As Ted Loeper once wrote, "We are all a messed up mixture of glory and grime." I couldn't agree more.)

On the mountaintop I hear Him; His voice echoes in the winds

He gently breezes past me, dancing over rocks and bends.

In the valley He is near me whispering with each weary step;

“Do not be anxious; do not worry, for I know all that lies ahead.

As you labor on this mountain don’t forget to look around,

There is beauty in the journey; there is much joy to be found.

As you stumble over tree roots on the narrow winding trail

Out of breath and out of hope may My joy help you travail.

Dip your hand into the brook where icy mountain waters flow

Drink from the pureness of My beauty and your countenance will glow.

It is My desire to keep you, to refresh and to renew

You can accept Me or reject Me; the choice is up to you.

I will not force Myself upon you; you may walk near or far away

Though my heart longs to embrace you, the choice is yours to stay.

No judgment do I harbor, though your heart is hard as stone

I will tarry on this mountain, you will never be alone.

As you climb above the tree line, your foot unsteady on the shale

Ever pressing through the weather, through the rain, the sleet and hail

I will keep your foothold steady, I will cover and protect

Nothing shall touch My Beloved though you resist, though you deflect.

When at last you reach My mountaintop; My beauty to behold,

I will reveal to you new things, priceless treasures to unfold.

Close your eyes, find My rest, allow My winds to dance upon your face

Learn to trust Me fully, cling tightly to My grace.

The world whispers in your ear, you are forced to make a choice

To listen to the god of lies or to tune your ear to hear My voice.

Draw near to Me, I will draw near to you; seek Me with all your heart and soul.

I shall be found by you when you seek Me; may My love be your greatest goal.

Whether on the mountain top or in the valley low

Both places hold my favor--when you are rooted in Me 

You will flourish and grow.

Take My hand; I’ll guide your steps

For indeed the path is rugged,

I am God, I am Creator—

You are My Beloved.” 

Stay the Course...

Sheila

It Is Written

I have recently been reminded of the importance of being in the Word above all other things that distract such as career, hobbies, friends, entertainment and even family.

It is easy in the busyness of life to get caught up in the little distractions we face on a daily basis and slowly lose sight of the bigger picture.  The bigger picture is that we are simply visitors here on earth—our lives are not our own. I forget this simple truth quite often.

I also forget that we are in the midst of a battle, a spiritual warfare; and the forces of darkness will not let up or back down in the fight for our souls. If this sounds extreme, don’t take my word for it; get into God’s Word where everything we need to know about life and death can be found. It is written, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph. 6:12)

Paul, the author of the book of Ephesians doesn’t merely tell us this as informational but rather as a warning; and he goes on to tell us what we can do to ensure we are not taken out in the battle, “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” (Eph. 6:13-18)

Paul implores us to remain alert. Alert by definition is “quick to notice any unusual and potentially dangerous or difficult circumstances; vigilant.” 

It is written again in I Peter 5:8, “Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 

As we stay vigilant in the Word of God, the Spirit of Truth will lead us, guide us and give us discernment and wisdom as we commit to remain alert. Not only are we to be aware of those within the world who might seek to destroy, but also those within the church who profess to be believers. It is written, “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:15 & 16)

Perhaps this is why we are told to always keep on praying for all the saints. None of us are strong enough or amazing enough on our own to withstand spiritual warfare or to stop every flaming arrow of the evil one. We need one another.

We the church need to put down our phones and pick up our Bibles. Lift up our eyes, drop to our knees, lay down our pride and pray as if God is everything because in essence—He is just that!

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Your Faith Has Healed You

Many years ago, nine to be exact, I participated in a week-long two-fold conference. The conference was intended for those whom needed healing from past abuses or hurts so that they could then, in return, lead courses for others who needed freedom from past wounds.

I had no idea throughout that difficult week that the biggest abuse of my life was awaiting me in the future. I also had no idea that the wounds would come from within the church, from the hands of a person I trusted—a man of the cloth.

I know my story is not unique nor isolated to myself; which is why I am sharing.

Throughout the past nine years of limping along on my faith journey, I have met some of the most amazing wounded believers, men and women whom I might have never stopped to notice if not for the handicap of my own limp.

Now that I am a part of a healthy church, my prayer has turned from one of seeking personal healing to one of a deep desire to know my Maker like never before. My prayer is to offer hope to other limping believers—not because I am all better but because I recognize something I was unable to see before:

The wounded cannot sit quietly in the shadows of the church awaiting a touch for our own hearts so that we can feel worthy enough to help others. 

This is a very tough juxtaposition for a believer who thinks he or she must be “all better” prior to lending a helping hand to another. Truth is, we have more to offer in our present state of brokenness than we had to give prior to acknowledging the fragility of our own hearts. 

Pause and consider the beauty of Jesus walking along the dusty road, crushed on every side by people.  Within the crowd there was a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years. She was tenacious enough to reach out and grab the edge of Jesus’s cloak.  Jesus was unwilling to overlook this desperate woman but instead stopped dead in His tracks for her: “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out of me.” Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” (Luke 8:43-48 NIV)

Once our focus shifts from dwelling on our own impossible sets of circumstances to instead one of pressing in to touch our Savior, our faith grows. We are restored. There is no pressure to “try harder” or “do better.” What a relief when we are able to come out from hiding, fall at the feet of Jesus for healing and be received in His presence due to no merit of our own just like the bleeding lady. 

In humility, we need only reach out and grab ahold of Jesus—whatever we are bold enough to grab—His hand, the edge of His robe— in whatever state of brokenness we are experiencing. 

Can you imagine having the tenacity to trust your small faith to a Savior who knows you, loves you, and longs to bring healing and peace to your heart? 

Me neither—but I’m willing to try.

Stay the course…

Sheila

A Time to Mend

Last night at church during prayer, a 6-word sentence was spoken that landed on my head like a heavy blanket: “God wants to mend the church.”

I had never before heard such a statement.

I tried sorting through what meaning I was to glean from the sentence as well as attempt to understand why it landed on my head with such force.

In Ecclesiastes we learn that there is a time for everything; the list is long but in verse 7 we find there is “a time to tear and a time to mend.” 

Webster’s defines “mend” as: repair, patch, put into good order something that is injured, damaged or defective. Mend implies making whole or sound something broken, torn or injured. To remove or correct defects.

Having a mother who is a seamstress, the word mend has always pertained to an article of clothing to me.  

If God wants to mend the church—He must surely be referring to His people—me and you.  If we need to be mended, it would go without saying that we would first have to acknowledge that we are broken and in need of repair. This act alone would require laying down one’s pride and praying for God’s gracious gift and stamp of humility.

One thing I do know—a broken person cannot fix him or herself.  

Psalm 147:3 reassures us that we have never been expected to self-heal, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Only a Heart Specialist can mend a broken heart.

One of my favorite chapters of the Bible, Isaiah 61, paints a beautiful picture of why our Savior came to earth, “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release for the prisoners.” (vs.1b)

Pride, our greatest nemesis, often paralyses a believer, making it difficult to acknowledge the truth we hope no one can see.  This truth is that we are a broken, captive prisoner unable to break our own chains of bondage. Only the Spirit of Truth can reveal truth whilst simultaneously offering freedom. But first, we must confess that our time of mending is at hand.  How can we lead others to the Heart Specialist if we are not willing to trust our own hearts in His hands?

The sharp knife of betrayal, hurt, and injustice sometimes pierces the deepest from within the walls of the church, causing the tear to feel irreparable.  God still desires to mend such a heart; making the mended heart stronger than it had been before. Hence making the church stronger than before.

I pray that God will give us a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, and that He will mend His church, the brokenhearted—starting with me.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Brace For Impact

(This blog was inspired by my dear brothers and sisters in Christ who, like myself, have experienced trauma at the hands of a man of the cloth in the form of spiritual abuse. I write this blog in an attempt to bring hope to the next chapters of our stories; I truly believe that the best is yet to come.)

I was faced with a situation this week that caused loss of sleep and trepidation of heart.  

My husband and I were invited to meet with our new pastor and his wife over dinner to discuss a ministry opportunity at the church.

Such a scenario should sound non-threatening and should be seen as an evening to look forward to—unless your experience with pastors and churches in the past has been painful.

I prayed throughout the week each time the feeling of dread and fear attempted to override my thoughts.

After many years of not being able to articulate my thoughts on spiritual abuse in a way that another could understand, I was finally given a picture in my mind of what I am calling my airplane analogy:

Imagine that you are a passenger on an airplane. You’ve flown many times and are confident that nothing could possibly happen to the plane because, well, you’re on it! 

Suddenly the voice of the pilot interrupts your thoughts as you hear these words come over the intercom: “Brace For Impact!”

The plane begins to plummet. You’re no longer able to think about anything except how helpless you feel. Your world spins out of control. Your stomach rises to your chest; you fear you will surely die. You have never felt as alone as you do in this moment.

By the grace of God, the plane stabilizes and is able to make an emergency landing, you do not receive so much as a scratch to mark the traumatic experience.

Life goes on, and you remain thankful each day that you are a survivor. Though you appear unscathed to those who know you; the trusting childlike heart within you has been raped.

In the still of night you awaken with a gasp to the moment that emerges unwittingly in your dreams—the plane is crashing— the pit in your stomach once again churns with fear.

Eventually the day arrives when you must face your fear—you must board another plane. You don’t want to, but you know you must. Who do you talk to whom might understand your trepidation? Who but God can be trusted with the true state of your heart?

The four walls of the church is the airplane we tiptoe around hoping to avoid for a very long time, if not forever, once we have been spiritually abused.  If we have been hurt once, twice or three times how can we trust that the next plane won’t crash too? We feel foolish to think we can trust those who have already failed us, hurt us, and left us fighting for our lives without so much as a backward glance. The question which hovers tauntingly just beyond the reach of an answer remains: "Can I trust another pastor?"

We readily admit our inability to endure another near-fatal crash and begin to doubt the earnestness of our long-professed faith.

It feels safe to stay home, lock the door and drop the shades to self-protect. The father of lies whispers defeat, despair and destruction meant to sideline us, render us useless, and destroy the very core of who we are as believers. 

For myself, I have had days where I have self-protected. God has not left me alone on the days when I believe the lie that I will never again be able to fly.  Though I finally understand that I will never be the person that I was prior to the moment that I braced for impact; there is a steeliness that continues to fill me; a determination not to allow fear and lies to rob the beauty nor the strength of God’s Spirit within me. 

The same Spirit resides in each one of us believer-survivors. After all, we survived for a reason. Our lives are not our own; we have been bought at a great price. This is a truth worth remembering.

I know from my own story that I cannot ask anyone to give church another chance, nor would I attempt to do so. But I do know that the desire to be a part of both the local and the universal church will never go away; that’s part of the gift of the Spirit of Truth. We are God’s children—imperfect, limping, broken and hurting—His beloved sons and daughters. We are His church.

Many years later, I am learning that the gift we have been given from an experience that was meant to destroy us, is the ability to look in the mirror and see the truth of our own humanity, not in spite of our stories but because of our stories.  We must dig deep into the grit of our souls and walk through those church doors trusting Abba, our Faithful Pilot, that the plane will not go down.

As we drove away from our meeting with our pastor and pastor’s wife, my husband stated with relief in his voice, “That was the best meeting we have ever had with a pastor.” I agreed and reached out to hold his hand as we drove quietly toward the future with a third companion--our long lost friend, Hope.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Chinese Bamboo Tree

(I posted this blog a long time ago but this morning re-wrote certain parts. Though still one of my favorite visuals using an allegorical element, life experience has given me new appreciation on how I now embrace the story of the Chinese Bamboo Tree)

Jeremiah 17:8 (NIV) “He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to want to grab ahold of something tangible, something our eyes can see.  God often requires us to hold onto Him and trust Him alone when our eyes cannot see and our hands cannot touch tangible.

This week I learned about an interesting tree that I think most of us can relate to: the Chinese Bamboo Tree.  This unusual tree spends the first four years of its life developing its root system; not a single sprout appears during this timeframe.  By all appearances, the tree lies dormant—void of purpose— for four years.

The owner of the Chinese Bamboo Tree feeds and fertilizes it; yet there is no visible change.  Hidden beneath the soil, the roots continue to grow strong.  To dig up the roots due to impatience would stunt the tree’s life.  

After four years of fertilizing and caring for the tree without so much as a sprout; the fifth year finally arrives.  

In the fifth year of the Chinese Bamboo Tree's life, the seed sprouts, shooting up to 80 feet in just one growing season.  Because of the strong infrastructure, the roots are able to sustain the size of the tree with no problems.

So, though it appeared that the Chinese Bamboo Tree was lying dormant for four years, those four years were necessary for what was to come.  

Eyes of faith needed to see that which cannot be seen with human eyes. 

Maybe you can relate to this unique tree; I know I can. At first glance my ordinary life may not resemble salt or a bright glowing light that others are drawn to like a magnet.  In some seasons I find that myself, my roots, and my infrastructure appear to be invisible and dormant to the untrained eye. 

Trusting God with the infrastructure proves to be difficult when I can’t understand the purpose for the visible stagnation of my growth. 

In seasons when hope has faded, I am learning that reading God’s Word and praying are imperative to fertilizing the seed and strengthening the roots of faith. The ultimate outcome, God's promise to me and to you, will be roots strong enough to withstand anything and everything.

If we determine to stay the course, choosing to put our faith and trust in God’s Word instead of man’s word, Jeremiah 17:8 reminds us that we “will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

Just as the owner of the Chinese Bamboo Tree remains faithful in tending his tree, knowing that intentional care is necessary in order for the fifth year to bring forth fruit; we must do the same.    

In God’s perfect timing, the fifth year will arrive.

Vibrant with fruit, deeply rooted, we will stand 80 feet tall,  bringing glory and honor to the One who patiently nurtures and cares for our souls.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Today’s Prayer: “Father, thank You for the promise that when I place my trust and faith in You, I will be like a tree planted by the water that sends my roots out to the stream.  Thank You for the promise of life and growth, even when there is a drought in the land.  You are my source of life, apart from You I would surely die.  Please help my unbelief in the moments when I feel as though my life is dormant.  Please increase my appetite for Your Word. Though the world may pull me in with its promise of happiness and fulfillment, my soul finds no satisfaction apart from You.  The world leaves me empty and searching for more; void of truth.  Help me to not grow weary or lose hope as You continue to nurture my roots.  Please finish the good work You have began in me.  I trust Your faithfulness. In Jesus name I pray, amen.”