A Kiss On The Lips

(I wrote this blog several years ago and didn't post it for fear that it may be taken the wrong way given the title.  However, having stumbled upon this blog and re-reading it, I am hopeful that the subject matter will be understood in its proper context...)

I remember junior high and my first “real” boyfriend.  That is, until he decided to plant a “real” big one right on my lips.  Disgusting!  I dropped him so fast he didn’t know what hit him.  I could tolerate hand-holding.  I could even endure a kiss on the cheek, but a full-on lip kiss was more than I had bargained for.  A kiss on the lips signified a depth to our relationship that at that time was strictly one-sided.  I simply wanted to be able to tell my girlfriends that I had a boyfriend...nothing more.  

Now that I am a little older, I see things slightly differently.  I have become familiar with Proverbs 24:26 (NIV) which says, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”  

Do you have friends in your life that “kiss you on the lips” with their honesty?  Is it the deep truth of a full-on lip kiss?  On the other hand, do your friends tell you what you want to hear, brushing your cheek with a kiss?

I’ll be honest.  I have both kinds of friends.  I bet you do too.  

When I’m hungry for deep truth, when I’m ready for someone to hold up a mirror to reflect the truth of what he or she sees in me, I call on a friend who is brave enough to kiss me on the lips.  It is a true friend who puts speaking the truth in love above protecting a friendship.  Truth spoken in love provides a welcome honest answer even in the middle of pain.  Something is conveyed from the friend’s heart to ours that makes us realize that a quick kiss on the cheek is no longer satisfying.  

Once we experience a kiss on the lips, going back to thinking that a kiss on the cheek is acceptable is almost impossible.  There is much more at stake with a lip kiss, for sure.  A lip kiss says everything without saying a word.  It’s a commitment and a mutual understanding of a level of intimacy that is shared with few. 

An honest answer has a way of hitting our hearts in places that we have protected from past wounds, opening us up to opportunities to allow truth to bring healing and freedom.  With our new found freedom we are liberated to reach out to others on our path and share our stories openly, gifting them with a true reflection of them so that they, too, may walk into healing and freedom.  There is no fear or risk in taking a true look at oneself once a genuine kiss on the lips has been experienced.

Although an honest answer is like a kiss on the lips, an honest answer not spoken in love can feel more like a slap on the face.   

Emphasizing the comforting effect of the truth, The Message translation says, “An honest answer is like a warm hug.”  This analogy may assure those who prefer a hug over a kiss (maybe you had a bad boyfriend experience as I did!).  Whereas a kiss may make some uncomfortable, who doesn’t like a warm hug? 

As for me, I’m all for quality when it comes to my friendships.  I long for depth and truth – warm hugs and lip kisses.  

So, the next time someone asks for your honest input, take a deep breath and consider your options.  Will you brush him or her with a quick kiss on the cheek or will you take the time to share a warm hug, possibly followed with a kiss on the lips…a kiss of true friendship.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote

The Void

Several years ago as I was praying I had an experience that is brought back to my mind often; it is something that no one really talks about: the void.

This particular day I decided to ask God why it was that no matter how busy or how still my life, there remained a continual ache inside, a gnawing of sorts—a void.  Regardless my life circumstances, whether well fed or hungry, struggling or thriving, in a crowd or alone, there remains within me at all times an empty space, a gap that cannot be filled.

God spoke softly to my heart and reminded me that for as many days as I walk on earth, the void will remain as a reminder that until I stand face to face with Him; I will not be whole.  This unfilled space within my soul could only be filled by Him.  

As our Father fills us with His Spirit, the pain of the void diminishes but never disappears.  The void serves as a reminder that we are to be in the world but not of the world.  

In Genesis, the first book of the Bible we only have to read to the second verse of the first chapter to discover that in the beginning “The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.” (Gen. 1:2 ESV)

Not only did God’s Spirit hover, but He then opened His mouth and spoke, “And God said, ‘Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.

 

Oftentimes, we try to run from the void within; in essence, we are trying to run from God.  We may run to food, work, exercise, etc. in an attempt to fill the loneliness within.

In the futility of thinking that I can run from God, I am comforted to know that I am not alone when it comes to trying to hide.  David exposes his heart as he cries out to God, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.’” (Ps. 139:7,11,12)

There are times when I am angry—I want the void to go away; I want to forget that I am not my own.  Yet God, in His unrelenting love, will not relinquish His grasp; refusing to allow the god of this age to devour my soul. 

As I stumble and begin to fall, the words of David once again resonate, “But he caught me-reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved-surprised to be loved!” (Ps. 18:16-19 Msg)

One day soon the void will be filled and we shall behold Him face-to-face.

For now, we must feel the emptiness of our aching souls.  We must allow the ache to serve as a reminder to tell others of the wonders of our God.  

And when the emptiness wakes us in the darkness of night, it is in the stillness of His presence that He longs to speak to longing hearts.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote

A Place to Weep

Every time I read the story of Joseph, which is so well portrayed in the book of Genesis, I am deeply impacted.  As I am pulled into the storyline of a man whose own brothers sold him into slavery and the progression of unfair incidences that continued to present themselves to Joseph, his character and fortitude are unfathomable.

As with any true story, it is impossible to read the story of Joseph’s life and not wonder how you might react if Joseph’s name were to be replaced with your own name.

It would be easy to remove the humanity piece of the story and to view Joseph as a fictional character of sorts; one without feeling or emotion.  However, Joseph’s feelings and emotions are not withheld in the telling of his story.

Imagine what it must have felt like, after many years of being separated from his family, to walk into a room and see 10 of his 11 brothers standing before him.  Joseph “turned away from them and began to weep.”  (Gen 42:24) Later we read, when his brothers returned and brought his youngest brother, Benjamin, with whom he shared the same mother, “Deeply moved at the sight of his brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep.  He went into his private room and wept there.” (Gen 43:30)

When Joseph revealed his identity to his brothers, the emotion of his circumstances was more than he could bear.   Joseph sent all his attendants out of the room that he and his brothers were in “And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.” (Gen 45:2)

What Joseph did next is something that has to make each one of us stop and consider; instead of being angry or vengeful, Joseph comforted his brothers and told them not to be angry or distressed.  He reassured them that though they sold him into Egypt, it was God who had sent him ahead of them so that a remnant could be preserved.

Years of separation, being abandoned and despised by his brothers, missing his father and little brother, wondering if they were dead or alive; if anyone had reason to be angry, bitter or seeking revenge it would be Joseph.  

Instead, Joseph invited his brothers and their entire households to move to Egypt so that they could survive the famine in the land; “Then he threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept, and Benjamin embraced him weeping. And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them.” (Gen 45:14)

Later, after Joseph’s brothers returned to Egypt with his father, Joseph went to meet with his father for the first time, “As soon as Joseph appeared before him, he threw his arms around his father and wept for a long time.” (Gen 46:29)

In today’s culture, a grown man crying is often misinterpreted as a sign of weakness.  Joseph was anything but a weak man.

As with any story, we are only given bits and pieces, not the day-to-day happenings that lead up to the big events.  I am certain that there were many, many times over the years of experiencing abandonment, imprisonment and loneliness that Joseph sought out a place to weep.  He wasn’t taken aback by his deep emotion at the sight of his brothers.  He didn’t panic as to what to do with his emotions; he knew from years of experience that he needed to “look for a place to weep.” 

It is in the release of emotion, springing from the depth of the heart in the form of weeping that God is given permission to heal the places that might otherwise become calloused and hard.  Instead of pride, we are filled with compassion and love.  Fully surrendered and fully trusting his life to God, knowing that he was not hidden from his Maker, Joseph’s obedience preserved an entire nation.

A situation that was intended for evil was used for good because of Joseph’s response to the event of circumstances of his life.

I pray that we can learn from Joseph as we reflect on our own set of life circumstances.  Let’s not resort to our default response of pride and rebellion.  May we allow our emotions to be real and raw as we instead look for a place to weep where God can heal us and fill us with His goodness.

Just like Joseph, the future of other people may be directly impacted by how we choose to respond to our circumstances.  

There has never been a better time to "find a place to weep," than now.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote

Angel Army

The snow fell softly onto the road.  Wiper blades intermittently removed flakes and mist from my window as I attempted to keep my vehicle on the icy, snowy road in the early hours of daylight.

Squinting into the distance of the oncoming traffic, a car began to slide sideways at record speed across the center line, heading directly into the car two cars ahead of me.  As if watching a movie in slow motion, a real-life horror played out before my eyes.  Seconds later the vehicle ahead of me came to a dead halt in the ditch after slamming into the sliding- sideways car, activating the air bag and blowing out the back window. 

As if still watching a movie, myself and the man in the truck ahead of me pulled over and ran to the two vehicles that now sat motionless.  An eerie silence pierced the cold morning air.  Another passerby called for help.

Debris cluttered the highway with car parts, an umbrella, glad bags filled with cheerios and other random objects.  

No one opened the door to their vehicles to surmise the damage as both drivers lay unconscious behind deployed airbags.  The man in the truck whom I quickly learned was named Charles, and I went to both vehicles to see what we could do to help.  Pounding in my chest, my heart was triggered at the thought of what may await us as we approached the vehicles; but I could not turn back.

Her voice was shaken and loud, though not nearly as loud as the fear her eyes held as she met my own eyes with laser force.  She was still in her booster seat.  As a mother of three girls, I guessed her age to be six.  Her arm appeared to be broken but it was quickly apparent her greatest fear was seeing her grandmother unresponsive in the driver’s seat unable to provide comfort.

Lily, her name was Lily.  Screaming for me to help her, she reached out her good arm wanting me to hold her hand.  I was both taken aback and drawn in by her ability to portray such a beautiful picture of fear with no reservations or excuses.  Fully abandoned, unashamed, beautiful and caring Lily began asking me question after question.

When my attempts to calm Lily were unsuccessful I asked, “Do you believe in God?” I was unable to think of anything more important to ask under our unique circumstances.  “Yes,” Lily replied, continuing to stare straight into my eyes.  “Can we pray together right now and talk to God?” I asked.  “Yes” she instantly replied, finally willing to trust this stranger sharing her backseat donning a messy ponytail and black Nike cap.

I held Lily’s tiny outstretched hand in my own cold, trembling hand and we began to pray.  Her grandmother remained motionless in the front seat as we prayed for God to bring comfort and peace.  I asked God to wrap His arms of love around Lily and her grandmother among other things of which I have absolutely no recollection.  However, as we prayed, the moment became surreal as I sensed God’s angel army surrounding us.  In that moment I felt closer to God than I have in a very long time.

Eventually sirens sounded in the distance.   Lily’s face had grown pale as fear filled her heart.  I attempted teaching her breathing techniques to calm her and diversions such as asking her about Christmas and gifts.  “I can’t talk about that right now” she stated, voice quivering, as her little head dropped and her brave shoulders slumped, “I’m hurting too much.  Can you pray again and keep praying?” she asked.

So we prayed some more.  

Lily became bold as she began telling me what to say in my prayers, “Tell Him to make me not hurt.  Tell Him to help my Grandma.” She was wise beyond her six years; aware that God was listening to us and confident that He would answer her sincere prayers.  

I do not know why Lily and her grandmother were hit by the oncoming car instead of me.  

I do know that sometimes we are given a rare glimpse into the face of Jesus.  His love is manifest through the eyes of a child; His beauty reflecting through the innocence of a child’s heart.  

I will never forget the mighty warrior inside the tiny frame of a six year old named Lily.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote