It Is Written

I have recently been reminded of the importance of being in the Word above all other things that distract such as career, hobbies, friends, entertainment and even family.

It is easy in the busyness of life to get caught up in the little distractions we face on a daily basis and slowly lose sight of the bigger picture.  The bigger picture is that we are simply visitors here on earth—our lives are not our own. I forget this simple truth quite often.

I also forget that we are in the midst of a battle, a spiritual warfare; and the forces of darkness will not let up or back down in the fight for our souls. If this sounds extreme, don’t take my word for it; get into God’s Word where everything we need to know about life and death can be found. It is written, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph. 6:12)

Paul, the author of the book of Ephesians doesn’t merely tell us this as informational but rather as a warning; and he goes on to tell us what we can do to ensure we are not taken out in the battle, “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” (Eph. 6:13-18)

Paul implores us to remain alert. Alert by definition is “quick to notice any unusual and potentially dangerous or difficult circumstances; vigilant.” 

It is written again in I Peter 5:8, “Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 

As we stay vigilant in the Word of God, the Spirit of Truth will lead us, guide us and give us discernment and wisdom as we commit to remain alert. Not only are we to be aware of those within the world who might seek to destroy, but also those within the church who profess to be believers. It is written, “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:15 & 16)

Perhaps this is why we are told to always keep on praying for all the saints. None of us are strong enough or amazing enough on our own to withstand spiritual warfare or to stop every flaming arrow of the evil one. We need one another.

We the church need to put down our phones and pick up our Bibles. Lift up our eyes, drop to our knees, lay down our pride and pray as if God is everything because in essence—He is just that!

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Your Faith Has Healed You

Many years ago, nine to be exact, I participated in a week-long two-fold conference. The conference was intended for those whom needed healing from past abuses or hurts so that they could then, in return, lead courses for others who needed freedom from past wounds.

I had no idea throughout that difficult week that the biggest abuse of my life was awaiting me in the future. I also had no idea that the wounds would come from within the church, from the hands of a person I trusted—a man of the cloth.

I know my story is not unique nor isolated to myself; which is why I am sharing.

Throughout the past nine years of limping along on my faith journey, I have met some of the most amazing wounded believers, men and women whom I might have never stopped to notice if not for the handicap of my own limp.

Now that I am a part of a healthy church, my prayer has turned from one of seeking personal healing to one of a deep desire to know my Maker like never before. My prayer is to offer hope to other limping believers—not because I am all better but because I recognize something I was unable to see before:

The wounded cannot sit quietly in the shadows of the church awaiting a touch for our own hearts so that we can feel worthy enough to help others. 

This is a very tough juxtaposition for a believer who thinks he or she must be “all better” prior to lending a helping hand to another. Truth is, we have more to offer in our present state of brokenness than we had to give prior to acknowledging the fragility of our own hearts. 

Pause and consider the beauty of Jesus walking along the dusty road, crushed on every side by people.  Within the crowd there was a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years. She was tenacious enough to reach out and grab the edge of Jesus’s cloak.  Jesus was unwilling to overlook this desperate woman but instead stopped dead in His tracks for her: “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out of me.” Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” (Luke 8:43-48 NIV)

Once our focus shifts from dwelling on our own impossible sets of circumstances to instead one of pressing in to touch our Savior, our faith grows. We are restored. There is no pressure to “try harder” or “do better.” What a relief when we are able to come out from hiding, fall at the feet of Jesus for healing and be received in His presence due to no merit of our own just like the bleeding lady. 

In humility, we need only reach out and grab ahold of Jesus—whatever we are bold enough to grab—His hand, the edge of His robe— in whatever state of brokenness we are experiencing. 

Can you imagine having the tenacity to trust your small faith to a Savior who knows you, loves you, and longs to bring healing and peace to your heart? 

Me neither—but I’m willing to try.

Stay the course…

Sheila

A Time to Mend

Last night at church during prayer, a 6-word sentence was spoken that landed on my head like a heavy blanket: “God wants to mend the church.”

I had never before heard such a statement.

I tried sorting through what meaning I was to glean from the sentence as well as attempt to understand why it landed on my head with such force.

In Ecclesiastes we learn that there is a time for everything; the list is long but in verse 7 we find there is “a time to tear and a time to mend.” 

Webster’s defines “mend” as: repair, patch, put into good order something that is injured, damaged or defective. Mend implies making whole or sound something broken, torn or injured. To remove or correct defects.

Having a mother who is a seamstress, the word mend has always pertained to an article of clothing to me.  

If God wants to mend the church—He must surely be referring to His people—me and you.  If we need to be mended, it would go without saying that we would first have to acknowledge that we are broken and in need of repair. This act alone would require laying down one’s pride and praying for God’s gracious gift and stamp of humility.

One thing I do know—a broken person cannot fix him or herself.  

Psalm 147:3 reassures us that we have never been expected to self-heal, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Only a Heart Specialist can mend a broken heart.

One of my favorite chapters of the Bible, Isaiah 61, paints a beautiful picture of why our Savior came to earth, “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release for the prisoners.” (vs.1b)

Pride, our greatest nemesis, often paralyses a believer, making it difficult to acknowledge the truth we hope no one can see.  This truth is that we are a broken, captive prisoner unable to break our own chains of bondage. Only the Spirit of Truth can reveal truth whilst simultaneously offering freedom. But first, we must confess that our time of mending is at hand.  How can we lead others to the Heart Specialist if we are not willing to trust our own hearts in His hands?

The sharp knife of betrayal, hurt, and injustice sometimes pierces the deepest from within the walls of the church, causing the tear to feel irreparable.  God still desires to mend such a heart; making the mended heart stronger than it had been before. Hence making the church stronger than before.

I pray that God will give us a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, and that He will mend His church, the brokenhearted—starting with me.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Brace For Impact

(This blog was inspired by my dear brothers and sisters in Christ who, like myself, have experienced trauma at the hands of a man of the cloth in the form of spiritual abuse. I write this blog in an attempt to bring hope to the next chapters of our stories; I truly believe that the best is yet to come.)

I was faced with a situation this week that caused loss of sleep and trepidation of heart.  

My husband and I were invited to meet with our new pastor and his wife over dinner to discuss a ministry opportunity at the church.

Such a scenario should sound non-threatening and should be seen as an evening to look forward to—unless your experience with pastors and churches in the past has been painful.

I prayed throughout the week each time the feeling of dread and fear attempted to override my thoughts.

After many years of not being able to articulate my thoughts on spiritual abuse in a way that another could understand, I was finally given a picture in my mind of what I am calling my airplane analogy:

Imagine that you are a passenger on an airplane. You’ve flown many times and are confident that nothing could possibly happen to the plane because, well, you’re on it! 

Suddenly the voice of the pilot interrupts your thoughts as you hear these words come over the intercom: “Brace For Impact!”

The plane begins to plummet. You’re no longer able to think about anything except how helpless you feel. Your world spins out of control. Your stomach rises to your chest; you fear you will surely die. You have never felt as alone as you do in this moment.

By the grace of God, the plane stabilizes and is able to make an emergency landing, you do not receive so much as a scratch to mark the traumatic experience.

Life goes on, and you remain thankful each day that you are a survivor. Though you appear unscathed to those who know you; the trusting childlike heart within you has been raped.

In the still of night you awaken with a gasp to the moment that emerges unwittingly in your dreams—the plane is crashing— the pit in your stomach once again churns with fear.

Eventually the day arrives when you must face your fear—you must board another plane. You don’t want to, but you know you must. Who do you talk to whom might understand your trepidation? Who but God can be trusted with the true state of your heart?

The four walls of the church is the airplane we tiptoe around hoping to avoid for a very long time, if not forever, once we have been spiritually abused.  If we have been hurt once, twice or three times how can we trust that the next plane won’t crash too? We feel foolish to think we can trust those who have already failed us, hurt us, and left us fighting for our lives without so much as a backward glance. The question which hovers tauntingly just beyond the reach of an answer remains: "Can I trust another pastor?"

We readily admit our inability to endure another near-fatal crash and begin to doubt the earnestness of our long-professed faith.

It feels safe to stay home, lock the door and drop the shades to self-protect. The father of lies whispers defeat, despair and destruction meant to sideline us, render us useless, and destroy the very core of who we are as believers. 

For myself, I have had days where I have self-protected. God has not left me alone on the days when I believe the lie that I will never again be able to fly.  Though I finally understand that I will never be the person that I was prior to the moment that I braced for impact; there is a steeliness that continues to fill me; a determination not to allow fear and lies to rob the beauty nor the strength of God’s Spirit within me. 

The same Spirit resides in each one of us believer-survivors. After all, we survived for a reason. Our lives are not our own; we have been bought at a great price. This is a truth worth remembering.

I know from my own story that I cannot ask anyone to give church another chance, nor would I attempt to do so. But I do know that the desire to be a part of both the local and the universal church will never go away; that’s part of the gift of the Spirit of Truth. We are God’s children—imperfect, limping, broken and hurting—His beloved sons and daughters. We are His church.

Many years later, I am learning that the gift we have been given from an experience that was meant to destroy us, is the ability to look in the mirror and see the truth of our own humanity, not in spite of our stories but because of our stories.  We must dig deep into the grit of our souls and walk through those church doors trusting Abba, our Faithful Pilot, that the plane will not go down.

As we drove away from our meeting with our pastor and pastor’s wife, my husband stated with relief in his voice, “That was the best meeting we have ever had with a pastor.” I agreed and reached out to hold his hand as we drove quietly toward the future with a third companion--our long lost friend, Hope.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Chinese Bamboo Tree

(I posted this blog a long time ago but this morning re-wrote certain parts. Though still one of my favorite visuals using an allegorical element, life experience has given me new appreciation on how I now embrace the story of the Chinese Bamboo Tree)

Jeremiah 17:8 (NIV) “He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to want to grab ahold of something tangible, something our eyes can see.  God often requires us to hold onto Him and trust Him alone when our eyes cannot see and our hands cannot touch tangible.

This week I learned about an interesting tree that I think most of us can relate to: the Chinese Bamboo Tree.  This unusual tree spends the first four years of its life developing its root system; not a single sprout appears during this timeframe.  By all appearances, the tree lies dormant—void of purpose— for four years.

The owner of the Chinese Bamboo Tree feeds and fertilizes it; yet there is no visible change.  Hidden beneath the soil, the roots continue to grow strong.  To dig up the roots due to impatience would stunt the tree’s life.  

After four years of fertilizing and caring for the tree without so much as a sprout; the fifth year finally arrives.  

In the fifth year of the Chinese Bamboo Tree's life, the seed sprouts, shooting up to 80 feet in just one growing season.  Because of the strong infrastructure, the roots are able to sustain the size of the tree with no problems.

So, though it appeared that the Chinese Bamboo Tree was lying dormant for four years, those four years were necessary for what was to come.  

Eyes of faith needed to see that which cannot be seen with human eyes. 

Maybe you can relate to this unique tree; I know I can. At first glance my ordinary life may not resemble salt or a bright glowing light that others are drawn to like a magnet.  In some seasons I find that myself, my roots, and my infrastructure appear to be invisible and dormant to the untrained eye. 

Trusting God with the infrastructure proves to be difficult when I can’t understand the purpose for the visible stagnation of my growth. 

In seasons when hope has faded, I am learning that reading God’s Word and praying are imperative to fertilizing the seed and strengthening the roots of faith. The ultimate outcome, God's promise to me and to you, will be roots strong enough to withstand anything and everything.

If we determine to stay the course, choosing to put our faith and trust in God’s Word instead of man’s word, Jeremiah 17:8 reminds us that we “will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

Just as the owner of the Chinese Bamboo Tree remains faithful in tending his tree, knowing that intentional care is necessary in order for the fifth year to bring forth fruit; we must do the same.    

In God’s perfect timing, the fifth year will arrive.

Vibrant with fruit, deeply rooted, we will stand 80 feet tall,  bringing glory and honor to the One who patiently nurtures and cares for our souls.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

Today’s Prayer: “Father, thank You for the promise that when I place my trust and faith in You, I will be like a tree planted by the water that sends my roots out to the stream.  Thank You for the promise of life and growth, even when there is a drought in the land.  You are my source of life, apart from You I would surely die.  Please help my unbelief in the moments when I feel as though my life is dormant.  Please increase my appetite for Your Word. Though the world may pull me in with its promise of happiness and fulfillment, my soul finds no satisfaction apart from You.  The world leaves me empty and searching for more; void of truth.  Help me to not grow weary or lose hope as You continue to nurture my roots.  Please finish the good work You have began in me.  I trust Your faithfulness. In Jesus name I pray, amen.”

Negative Split

(Dedicated to the heroes of the faith: those who, when knocked down, continue to find a way back up. Those whose knees have grown weak, bodies frail, and hair has turned to silver.  Thank you for the hope your lives exude as you maintain a steady gait and a dogged determination to never give up)

Breaking through the 50-year-old tape marker not too long ago got me thinking about races and life and how real life is a marathon we are all running with hopes of one day breaking the final tape marked Finish Line.  

Although no longer able to participate in my beloved sport of running and racing, I often relate to real life in runners terms—such as the term, negative split.

A negative split or the action of negative splitting is a racing strategy that involves completing the second half of a race faster than the first half. It is defined by the intentional setting of a slower initial pace, followed by either a gradual or sudden increase of speed towards the end of a race. (Wikipedia definition)

In my opinion, Hebrews 12:1 provides us with a beautiful picture of early disciple marathon runners (possibly negative splitting!): “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” 

We are not told the behind the scenes narrative of each individual in this “cloud of witnesses,” but we learn something very telling of the character of these men and women: “the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground. These were all commended for their faith, yet NONE of them received what had been promised.” (Hebrews 11:38 & 39)

Life was not easy for our fellow brother’s and sister’s in Christ: “Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison.  They were stoned, they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated.” (vs. 36 & 37)

Although I do not personally know anyone who has faced the above mentioned unfathomable circumstances; with each passing year of my own life I am recognizing a deeper appreciation for those whom I do know who have endured great loss and suffered much pain.  Marathoners, if you will, whom are still staying the course.  Not living their lives for themselves, they are holding nothing back that might disqualify them from reaching the Finish Line.  They may not be running the second half of their race faster than the first half; but they are running it stronger.

Our heroes of the faith, both past and present, run with confidence and do not shrink back. 

A negative split requires perseverance, and faith to believe that with God’s strength, the latter part of our lives can be lived with more tenacity, fervor and determination than given on the front end. Such a race requires us to trust God that we will have enough left in the tank for a strong sprint to the finish.

Paul speaks with the wisdom of a seasoned athlete on how to run a strong race, “ But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward why is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:13 & 14)

Finally, every runner must learn the true secret to making it to the Finish Line—not training alone. It’s imperative that we train with a person who has ran more races, worn out more pairs of shoes, and stayed on the narrow path for the duration.  

Find yourself a living hero of the faith and let him or her help you on your own journey so you can break the tape as you cross from this life into eternity.  Oh, and don’t forget to thank your living hero of the faith for his or her life of perseverance, fortitude, and tenacity. 

Finish strong, fellow athletes.

Stay the Course…

Sheila

The Long Road Back to Truth

(This blog touches on spiritual abuse. Thousands of believers are exiting the church—some unwilling and unable to re-enter—because of spiritual abuse. The problem is real. If you are currently struggling or know of someone who is—this is for you.)

I found something over the weekend while de-cluttering boxes from our crawl space—an old journal.

There was only one time in my entire life that I kept a journal, a time that turned out to be one of the toughest seasons me or my husband have ever journeyed together.  And there it was, written out in an ultra thick journal for me to review for the first time, if I was brave enough to do so.

Apprehensively at first, I opened the cover, flipping through the pages as I tried to determine if there was any point to reading my own words or if the journal should be thrown away with the rest of the things that no longer felt needed in this season of life.  

Since it’s the beginning of a new year, it felt right that I should take a moment of pause and look back at the road traveled.  New eyes to read old news with the hopes of gleaning new wisdom moving forward.

For the most part, the journal was kept to track my spiritual progress; a journey which took many twists and turns.  Most of the names mentioned along the trail are names which are no longer familiar to me.  Friendships that I had thought were golden and eternal came to an end, sometimes abruptly.  I re-read accounts of secrets being revealed, hearts being broken, betrayal, and the slow subtle way things shift from doing the right thing for the right reason and turn into doing the right thing for the wrong reason.  Yeah, something like that.

As a woman who has spent most of her life in the church, I would like to issue a warning to other ambitious church-goers such as me: do not, under any circumstance, for any reason, look to a person for validation or for answers that must only come from God (or from your spouse).  Do the hard work of dropping to your own knees for answers instead of looking to a man (or woman) of the cloth or to a person within the church whom you deem as “spiritual”  when you need answers to the questions of your life.  

If you are a married woman or man, be vigilant and intentional to seek out your spouse when there are things on your heart that must be shared.  I can tell you from personal experience, as my journal is my witness, that any path that leads you to be emotionally dependent on anyone other than your spouse can quickly turn into a slippery slope on a road that leads you further away from Truth.

And the road back to Truth can be a long road indeed.

The Word of God reminds us that “We all stumble in many ways.” (Jas 3:2) Yet as we continue in the book of James we are given a promise, “Come near to God and he will come near to you.” (Jas 4:8) Even as we are called to make disciples, our purpose is to point others to Christ; never to ourselves. 

In the Word of God we are told to not forsake gathering together, to confess our sins one to another, pray for one another and to spur one another on toward good deeds. We are granted permission to approach the throne of grace.  We are told to love one another deeply, to mourn with those who mourn and to rejoice with those who rejoice, to take care of orphans and widows and to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world.  We are instructed to keep our lives free from the love of money, to be content with what we have, to endure hardship and not to make light of the Lord’s discipline. We are instructed to wrong no one, corrupt no one and exploit no one. We are told all of these things and so much more—but we are never told to open ourselves up to anyone other than our Lord or our spouse when it comes to the deep matters of the heart.  

Many years have passed on my own personal journey down the long road back to Truth. I am finding that each new day presents new opportunities to “get it right.” The focus has shifted more from one of me trying to figure out the details of my life to, instead, me wanting to know more about God. More about His love. His unfathomable, incomprehensible, unmerited, unconditional love.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:17-19)

Stay the Course…

Sheila