Rest, Weary Soldier

Something strange and unexpected happened to me this week.

With the 11 year anniversary of 9/11 came the reflections and remembrance of an event that none will ever forget.  Although each person in America was impacted by the events of 9/11, one might say there were different levels of impact depending on how close or distant one was to the tragic events of the day.  Families were changed for a lifetime from an event that appeared to last only moments.

Now, 11 years later, it seems that time has stood still for some when listening to interviews of those who experienced the loss of a son, daughter, husband, wife, mother or father.  The pain is still so close to the surface that words are unable to form when remembering that impactful day.

As I was praying and thinking about my own little world of pain and trouble, I felt almost silly presenting myself before my Father.  In light of all the “real” issues facing our country and in light of all the “real” struggles many people are facing; I felt quite weak to not be handling my own tiny issues with greater grace and strength.

However, on this particular day, I knew that I needed time and intimacy with my Maker—so I locked the door to my bedroom and knelt on the floor hoping words could adequate the emotions hiding in the basement of my heavy soul.  

I am unaware how much time passed, as time has a way of passing quickly at the feet of the Throne of Grace.  Eventually I landed in the fetal position as I admitted my inability to fix myself or to make myself better. 

It’s not often that I hear God speak to my heart; sometimes His voice can be confused with my own thoughts.  On this morning, however, He spoke and I heard His voice with perfect clarity, “Rest, weary Soldier.”

At first I was confused because I have not tackled fearless feats such as running into burning buildings to rescue victims.  Nonetheless, God’s Spirit flooded my heart.  I realized that God does not treat us nor respond to us by measuring us against a scale reflecting different levels of pain or hurt.  Whether or not our hearts have been wounded by a public loss or a loss that is known only to ourselves, the pain is ever real and can only be healed by our Father.

God is unable and unwilling to view us through a lens of unworthiness just because the world does not know our name or because we do not carry a title.  He is now, and forever will be, unmoved by another's view or opinion of us.  It is only His opinion that matters and only He who can bring change to a heart that seeks Him and longs to know Him.

Perhaps you, too, are a weary soldier, longing to find rest for your soul.  “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest,” says our Father. (Mt. 11:28)

I do not know how it happened, but as I humbled myself in His presence and accepted His offer of rest, I was refreshed.  

Whatever road you are traveling, whatever the shape or the size of your trial, you are not hidden from your Father.  As your heart longs for His heart, so does He long for you.  

You need only carry your burdens to the feet of Jesus; He will meet you at the Throne of Grace.  “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

Rest, weary Soldier.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote'

Un-sta-ble

I quite recently received what at first felt like an incredible insult but which after several days of pondering I have decided instead is one of my greatest compliments.

I was described as unstable.  

Unstable is defined as “capable of undergoing spontaneous change.” “An atom, possessing excessive energy, in an unstable state is called excited.” “Not firm or fixed in one place; likely to move.”

I wonder if Abraham, in his old age, was considered unstable when he chose to obey God, pick up his life and move to a place where he was described as a foreigner living in a foreign land.  He most definitely was not fixed in one place as he stepped out in obedience, risking it all, to live a life of total surrender to his Father.

Moses may very well have been described as unstable as he chose to give up the life of luxury to instead live among his own people.  He chose to step down the social ladder instead of stepping up; who in their stable mind would do such a thing?

Gideon must have felt and looked incredibly unstable as he took his shrinking army of 300 men to fight the Midianites who numbered in the thousands, whose camels were described as “numerous as the sands on the seashore.”  Yet, in total obedience to God, he risked everything, including his reputation.  I’m guessing he possessed “excessive energy and excitement” in his unstable position.  There is a very long list of names of men and women in the Bible who could be described as unstable.

There are seasons of our lives where we are not given the luxury of safe, stable, or sure things.  Instead, we are asked to trust our Father with each moment of our lives and to keep our hearts open to Him in complete and total surrender.  Sometimes we are asked to move geographically in obedience to Him; other times we are asked to trust Him as we learn to hold loosely all that He has blessed our lives with-- even when all we have is stripped away.  Life may look and feel unstable as our self-created identities are traded for our God-created identities; it is a painful process at best and feels anything but stable.

I wonder if Noah attempted to defend himself to the questions of onlookers when God asked him to build an ark.  The ark was not hidden in Noah’s back yard and kept a secret from the world.  Noah got to look unstable as the world watched and judged. The ark was not built in a day; Noah had to surrender his reputation daily in obedience to God’s plan.  When we are willing to risk our livelihoods, our finances, our homes, and our reputations for God—there’s no telling what purposes of God’s can be accomplished through our unstable lives.

Are you capable of undergoing spontaneous change? Are you in an excited or active state, such as an atom with a nucleus possessing excessive energy? In other words, are you unstable?

I believe we are well on our way to cracking the lid wide open to our total effectiveness and our true purposes as we fully surrender and give God full control—embracing the fact that a life lived fully for God will appear to be anything but stable.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote

The Midnight Hour

We have all heard the phrase that timing is everything; I say that God’s timing is everything.

If we were to take a moment and think back over the course of our short lifetime, we would be amazed and convinced that God is a God of perfect timing.  He is never too early and He is never too late; even when He moves His hand at the midnight hour—He is implicitly on time.

Throughout the history of the Bible we are given example upon example of God’s perfect plan being revealed at the perfect time.  Noah spent years building an ark at a time when there was a drought in the land; at the perfect time the ark was complete and the rain began. 

Esther was a woman whom God gave both favor and position, not because of anything she had done, but because of who God had called her to be.  We see the perfect timing of God’s hand in Esther’s life when she was reminded by her cousin Mordecai, “And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14b)

Our ultimate example, Jesus, was not only aware of His purpose on earth but He was also aware of God’s timing in all that He was called to do.  In the first of many miracles when Jesus’ mother informed Him that there was no more wine at the wedding He responded by saying, “Dear woman, why do you involve me?  My time has not yet come.” (Jn. 2:4)  However, as we travel further along in the Gospel of John to chapter 17, Jesus is aware that time has changed, “Jesus looked toward heaven and prayed: “Father, the time has come.  Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you.”

Paul brings things closer to home for us in the book of Romans when he boldly instructs us on how we are to live our lives, “The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.  The night is nearly over; the day is almost here.” (Romans 12:11&12)

It’s as if Paul is imploring us, “Do you not see, can you not understand—this is your time—wake up!

Right now is a time where God’s grace is evident upon the face of the earth.  His desire is that none should perish without first coming to know Him. Paul goes on to inform us in 2 Corinthians 6:2b, “I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.”

When Jesus’ time had come, He had a choice to make. He chose obedience. He “offered for all time one sacrifice for sins (His very life) and then He sat down at the right hand of God…because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” (Heb.10:12) 

Perhaps you are in a season of life where it appears that God has forgotten the promises He made to you.  Days have turned into months and months into years.  In the middle of the darkness sits the god of this world taunting you, whispering, “Give up on your dreams; God has turned His face from you.” 

God and His promises are unchanging. The night is almost over; the day is almost here.

Hold on tight—hold on even tighter if you are in the midnight hour -- God is never late in keeping His promises.




Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote

The Boardwalk

This afternoon as I lay on my bed sorting through all that is happening in my immediate world, I could not contain the tears that insisted on sliding down my face. I wasn’t sobbing or praying; yet the tears seemed to know the emotion deep in my heart that I had been attempting to ignore.

Tears can be so annoying and messy.

I decided to pull myself together and take a run to the park with the hopes of finding solace on the boardwalk as I have done so many times before.

I didn’t pray as I ran, instead music blasted in my ears as I blocked reality from my thoughts. I focused on my form and my breathing and the large cracks in the sidewalk that could take me down if I wasn’t attentive.

Entering the park, heading for the boardwalk, I forced myself to turn off the blasting music--even with a bad attitude I was thankful there no signs of human life on my precious boardwalk.

Honestly, I was ticked at God. I know “spiritual” men and women who claim that they have never been mad at God; knowing that made me even more ticked. Considering that God already knew the true state of my heart, pretending seemed silly and, after all, He had been gracious enough to give me the boardwalk all to myself so that I could have an honest conversation with Him.

At first I found myself cantankerous as I began to tell God that I needed Him to meet with me. I told Him that I had questions and that I needed answers. What nerve for the created to demand a presence with her Creator. I thought of Job and how humbled he was when God gave him his wish for an audience with his Maker. It wasn’t pretty. I wondered if lightening might strike me dead on the spot.

However, something that I wasn’t expecting happened as I poured out my heart to my Father. As I shared my heart, longing for His presence and for answers and to feel “seen;” He met me. Birds of various colors began to fly in the section of trees where I stood, each more lovely than the other. I was mesmerized by the beauty of God’s creation. I was standing on holy ground.

I was reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew (6:23-27) “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

Those messy tears came back out of nowhere and this time I didn’t stop them. I no longer cared if anyone else should venture onto the boardwalk. He reminded me of His faithfulness. He reminded me of His goodness. I was deeply humbled.

I asked God to forgive me for my lack of faith and once again laid my will down in trade for His.

Turning to leave the boardwalk, I felt forgiven and pure.

Sometimes, when we are in serious pursuit of God, He beckons us to meet with Him. In the stillness of His presence, we are changed by an unchanging God.

One day we shall behold Him face to face…but for now I’m thankful for the boardwalk.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote

Do I Love Being a Mom?

Do I love being a mom?  Let me think on that question for awhile.

First, there were the pregnancies; which included heartburn, sleepless nights, permanent stretch marks on my stomach that resemble a road map going to nowhere, not to mention varicose veins.

My hair fell out, my skin was oily, my feet got bigger, as well as every other part of my body.  

Labor was unforgettable.   I would have never believed the miracle of life could enter the world through so much pain.  Yet, with each birth, the memories of the pain faded, though were not completely forgotten, as a new life entered the world.

Do I love being a mom?  Well, since I became a mother I have had to give up some things that I took for granted before childbirth, such as jumping jacks and bikinis.

I learned how to survive on little sleep, how to hold a baby all night to ease the pain of an ear infection, how to love beyond limits I thought were possible, how to cook with one hand and how to endure as I held down a full time job.

I’ve seen the inside of every public bathroom within a 100 mile radius, and have somehow managed to feed a child who couldn’t feed herself, even when I was so hungry myself that I thought I might pass out.  

I have bought tutu’s, soccer shoes, softball gloves, swimming goggles, karate belts, running shoes, and more homecoming and prom dresses than you can shake a stick at.

I’ve spent countless hours at recitals, plays, softball games, soccer games, concerts, and Lord help me, if I have to go to the pumpkin patch one more time, I’m not sure if I will make it.

We have survived colds, fevers, flus, viruses and strange things that happen in the middle of the night.  I have kissed boo-boos, fed imaginary friends, and rocked a child for so long that I thought my arm might fall off.

There have been countless birthday celebrations, and so many kids in our house at one time that my husband and I wondered if anyone would notice if we vanished.  

Our home has been the place for sleepovers and bonfires and many screaming silly girls doing all the things that screaming silly girls like to do.  We have been able to share our home and our life with so many girls throughout the years, and have fallen in love with each one, watching them grow into young women, who still like to be silly.

I have spent more time driving kids to and from events, and sitting outside of schools waiting for kids, than ought to be legal.  

I have watched my three girls grow into their personalities and become confident as their own lives have taken different forms.  I have often wondered how they can all be so alike and yet be so different from each other. 

I have learned that sometimes I don’t know anything; and that sometimes I am a hero.

I have learned that my relationship with God is not a secret, and that my children need to see my heart and know that God is real in my life.  I have had to learn how to be vulnerable and weak, so my children could understand that without God I am nothing.

When children are young, it seems they will never grow up; yet when they grow up it seems there is not enough time to instill in them all that they must know before they leave the safety of the nest.  

I have had days where I have failed miserably as a mother, and days when I have felt that I deserved a gold star.  I have learned that the memories we have created as a family are held differently in the heart of each child.  They remember the simple moments, not the ones that I try really hard to make special.  They remember moments of spontaneity; yet forget the details of our planned vacations.  

They love me in spite of my weaknesses and failures, and I love them even though their bedrooms usually look like a tornado went through them.

They have seen me without makeup, and love me no less than when I have tried to look my best.  

I have loved them through friendship troubles, and we have walked the road of heartache together as many of their friends have experienced the reality of divorce.  We have laughed together, cried together, fought together, shared thousands of meals together and loved each other regardless of our many moods.

I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into when I entered into motherhood.  Motherhood has brought out the best in me and motherhood has brought out the worst in me, as nothing else possibly could.

Some days I think I might lose my mind with the many responsibilities of being a mother, but most of the time I wonder what I will do when they are no longer living under my roof, and laundry is no longer  an event without a starting or ending point.  

When we took our oldest daughter to college I thought my heart would not survive the pain of separation.

As we drove away, I realized it was not just my mother’s heart that was breaking.  I was saying goodbye to one of my best friends.  

So, to answer the question, “Do I love being a mom?”  

Nothing else that I have put my hand to has come close to the joy of being a mother.  My children are my very heart.  

I was once told that as a mother it was my job to develop my children’s character.  I believe that God develops our children’s character and then uses our children to develop our character.

Yes, I love being a mom.

Stay the course...

Sheila Cote

Ananias--Just a Christian

(From time to time as I sit down to write, God brings to mind something that He has given me to write in the past that I need to be reminded of once again. Perhaps I am not the only person who needs to be reminded of this story from God's Word.... )

Acts 9:10 (NIV) In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, "Ananias!"

In a play, there are leading roles and supporting roles. Most people aspire for a leading role. God shows us the importance of a supporting role, and the cost both roles entail...

Ananias was just a Christian.

He is only mentioned in the book of Acts for nine verses. (Acts 9:10-18)

Ananias enters and leaves the narrative, and we never hear mention of him again.

So why does this man have an honored place in sacred history and a special claim on the gratitude of all, who in one way or another, have entered the blessing that stems from the life and work of the Apostle Paul?

Let's enter the story and find out:

Remember the story of Paul, first known as Saul of Tarsus, who was knocked to the ground by a bright flash of light from heaven and was suddenly blind as he traveled on the road to Damascus in his search of finding Christians to persecute? Well, Saul was led by the hand to the house of Judas who lived on Straight Street, one of the main thoroughfares in Damascus.

Enter Ananias.

Ananias was a disciple who lived in Damascus. The news of Saul had already reached Damascus and Ananias was aware of the authority that had been given him to arrest believers.

The Lord called to Ananias in a vision, "Ananias!"

"Yes, Lord," he answered.

The Lord told him, "Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight." (Acts 9:10-12)

Ananias was scared. He reminded the Lord who Saul was and how dangerous he was. The Lord told Ananias that He had a great work for Saul to do. Saul was His chosen instrument, a messenger who would spread the good news of Jesus' name more widely than anyone else.

Ananias obeyed and went to the house of Judas on Straight Street.

Upon entering the house, Ananias placed his hands on Saul and said, "Brother Saul, the Lord - Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here--has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." (Acts 9:17) Immediately, scales fell of of Saul's eyes and he could see again.

Ananias was God's mouthpiece that day, his words were not his own; he was commissioned by God. He immediately baptized Saul. Then, Ananias leaves the story, and we never hear from him again.

Ananias, just a Christian, made history that day because of one single act of obedience. He was an ordinary man who didn't ask God for a leading role, for a title, or for credit; he was simply obedient.

Then he exited the story.

We do not know if Ananias was married or single, rich or poor. We only know that he knew the voice of the Lord and obeyed.

Just a Christian is all it takes to change the course of history and spread the news of Jesus to the world.

Ananias--just a Christian.


Say the Course...

Sheila Cote

Oh Say Can You See

I had the great privilege this week to meet a man whose sight has been taken from him. He has also had a heart transplant, has malfunctioning kidneys, a wife who nearly lost her life several months ago, a son who was killed suddenly in a tragic accident, and the list goes on.

He did not share stories from his life as one might imagine; to gain sympathy or to complain. Tears streamed down his face as he spoke, yet there remained an unexplainable joy brimming from his countenance and a tenderness in his voice void of bitterness or anger.

Although I was in his home for business purposes, that was quickly forgotten as we sat together with his lovely wife who served us cookies and hot tea.

He was unaware of the great need I had to hear his stories; as a matter of fact, I was unaware of the great need until I met him. Without realizing it, I had been allowing my own life circumstances to blind me. As he explained that he couldn’t see past his own outstretched hand, I realized that neither could I.

I watched with my own seeing eyes, listened with my ears and felt with my heart the deep pain of a man who has wrestled with God many times and many times has surrendered himself to the hand of his Creator a changed man.

My mind takes me back to Jacob who wrestled with God till daybreak, “When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.” ….then he blessed him there.” (Genesis 32:25-29)

When was the last time you wrestled with God? Oftentimes we approach life with a passivity that lacks urgency. Just as Jacob faced the darkness of the night, wrestling with his Maker, so must we. The darkness of our circumstances lacks the power to blind us to the truth of our existence. We have been created to worship God and to bring glory to His name. It is in the blackness of night that our faith is tested; we must wrestle and hold tightly to the One who knows our name.

Is your name “Doubt,” then wrestle until you are given a new name, “Faith.” Is your name “Weary,” then hold on until daybreak when you will be given the new name, “Warrior.” God is waiting to meet you and bless you when it seems all has been stripped away.

My new friend made a comment near the end of our time together that I will never forget, “I have seen clearly through my own blind eyes the goodness of my God.”

Oh say can you see?


Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote