Be Still

Over the last several months there has been a recurring theme in my life in regard to my relationship with God.  As I fumble and strive to make heads or tails out of what my life in Alaska should look like, something has changed.

“Be still and know that I am God” has become the continuous, repetitive live stream of conversation with my Father.  Everywhere I turn, every time I am anxious, every time I attempt to make something happen, at the beginning and end of each day and everywhere in between-- He whispers for me to be still.  The literal translation for “be still” is “shut up!” God is telling me to shut up and to listen.

My personality despises being still.  Everything I have strived for and attached my name to pushes against being still.  Being still is what happens when you sleep or when you die; and in between you wear yourself out doing great things for God and leaving your mark on the world.

I have been angry, impatient and hurt in my attempts to be still and obey His one request.  I have felt benched, forgotten and insignificant. I have pretended to be still so that He will allow me to jump back into the flow of life; but He is no fool who knows my heart.

However, as weeks have turned into months something has been slowly happening within me.  I’m not certain how to put words to my lessons in stillness.  My mind is going through a renewal process; at times I can feel it happening in the stillness.  The worries of the world have decreased as my faith in God has increased.  

In the tiny moments He is beside me, within me—His breath so close in the stillness that I want to reach out and touch His face. So present is He at times, I am afraid to speak for fear that He may speak back and I will not be able to breathe under the weight of His voice.

As I continue to be still and know that He is God, I find myself caring more about people, more specifically those who do not yet know this God of the universe. My heart is heavy, my desire to reach the lost greater than my desire to have a career, make a great salary, or make a name for myself.  The only mark I want to make on the world is to allow the river of life within me to flow out of me into a parched, thirsty world.  His desire is that none should perish; in the stillness I pray that my desire would match His.

Instead of wondering what I can be or what I can do, in the stillness Father is showing me who I am.  I am His; I have been bought with a great price.  He gave His son so that I might have real life.  Real life is found in the stillness of His presence.  Real life is found when I shut up and listen.

I know that this season of being still, as all seasons have a way of doing, will change. 

But for now, I will remain still, covered with His feathers under His wings tucked away in His faithfulness somewhere in the mountains of Alaska.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote