The Long Road Back to Truth

(This blog touches on spiritual abuse. Thousands of believers are exiting the church—some unwilling and unable to re-enter—because of spiritual abuse. The problem is real. If you are currently struggling or know of someone who is—this is for you.)

I found something over the weekend while de-cluttering boxes from our crawl space—an old journal.

There was only one time in my entire life that I kept a journal, a time that turned out to be one of the toughest seasons me or my husband have ever journeyed together.  And there it was, written out in an ultra thick journal for me to review for the first time, if I was brave enough to do so.

Apprehensively at first, I opened the cover, flipping through the pages as I tried to determine if there was any point to reading my own words or if the journal should be thrown away with the rest of the things that no longer felt needed in this season of life.  

Since it’s the beginning of a new year, it felt right that I should take a moment of pause and look back at the road traveled.  New eyes to read old news with the hopes of gleaning new wisdom moving forward.

For the most part, the journal was kept to track my spiritual progress; a journey which took many twists and turns.  Most of the names mentioned along the trail are names which are no longer familiar to me.  Friendships that I had thought were golden and eternal came to an end, sometimes abruptly.  I re-read accounts of secrets being revealed, hearts being broken, betrayal, and the slow subtle way things shift from doing the right thing for the right reason and turn into doing the right thing for the wrong reason.  Yeah, something like that.

As a woman who has spent most of her life in the church, I would like to issue a warning to other ambitious church-goers such as me: do not, under any circumstance, for any reason, look to a person for validation or for answers that must only come from God (or from your spouse).  Do the hard work of dropping to your own knees for answers instead of looking to a man (or woman) of the cloth or to a person within the church whom you deem as “spiritual”  when you need answers to the questions of your life.  

If you are a married woman or man, be vigilant and intentional to seek out your spouse when there are things on your heart that must be shared.  I can tell you from personal experience, as my journal is my witness, that any path that leads you to be emotionally dependent on anyone other than your spouse can quickly turn into a slippery slope on a road that leads you further away from Truth.

And the road back to Truth can be a long road indeed.

The Word of God reminds us that “We all stumble in many ways.” (Jas 3:2) Yet as we continue in the book of James we are given a promise, “Come near to God and he will come near to you.” (Jas 4:8) Even as we are called to make disciples, our purpose is to point others to Christ; never to ourselves. 

In the Word of God we are told to not forsake gathering together, to confess our sins one to another, pray for one another and to spur one another on toward good deeds. We are granted permission to approach the throne of grace.  We are told to love one another deeply, to mourn with those who mourn and to rejoice with those who rejoice, to take care of orphans and widows and to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world.  We are instructed to keep our lives free from the love of money, to be content with what we have, to endure hardship and not to make light of the Lord’s discipline. We are instructed to wrong no one, corrupt no one and exploit no one. We are told all of these things and so much more—but we are never told to open ourselves up to anyone other than our Lord or our spouse when it comes to the deep matters of the heart.  

Many years have passed on my own personal journey down the long road back to Truth. I am finding that each new day presents new opportunities to “get it right.” The focus has shifted more from one of me trying to figure out the details of my life to, instead, me wanting to know more about God. More about His love. His unfathomable, incomprehensible, unmerited, unconditional love.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:17-19)

Stay the Course…

Sheila