I Am The Problem

Turning the corner on the half-century mark of my life is proving to be quite interesting.

Just as we watch our children grow and mature into the man or woman God created them to become; there comes a time in each one of our lives when we, too, are able to take a look at ourselves through a different lens.

The lens is proving to be painfully honest.

It is mostly in the still of the morning, when I am alone, that I am able to catch a glimpse of the me that I want to be; she is usually wrestling with the me that I am.  

Singing songs of worship, sharing my thoughts, complaints and concerns to my Father—this is how I often start my mornings.  However, it is in the being still and listening that He graciously adjusts the lens of my perspective.  These days I am deeply humbled as He is showing me that perhaps, just maybe, I am the problem.

In the silence He reveals to me that those things in my world which I cannot change are not the problem.

World views, church views, my views; issues that provoke strong emotion within—they are not the problem.

I am the problem when my lack of trust in God or my strong need to be right causes me to raise the flag of self-righteousness as I dig heels deep into the soil of rebellion.  For no necessary reason, other than pride, there lies within me a desire to prove something to someone; even if that someone is just me.  

However, something strange has been happening as of late that is becoming a game changer for this (almost) half-century chic.

I believe that the Spirit within me has proven over the years to be a voice of wisdom and truth, deserving of my full attention.  As I am learning to put my own thoughts and world solutions aside, the Spirit is teaching me that the only One able to bring change does not need my help.  He is in control, I am not.  Instead of believing that there are problems that I must fix; He is teaching me that unless He asks me to do something—I may potentially become part of the problem, not the solution.

The view from my new lens with which I am becoming familiar with has me in awe and wonder.  As I go about my day, I am able to behold His beauty in all that I see and touch.  The need to be seen or heard is diminishing as the desire to simply be in awe of the Creator and His creation has turned my lens upward to behold the Lamb.

I am finding great peace and unexplainable joy in placing my trust in God instead of in my circumstances or in myself.

No need to worry or fret over the view that tomorrow’s lens may bring—I am not in control.  If I am not in control, I am free to become a part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

From time to time when I feel my heart racing and my perspective becomes blurry, I slow myself down. As I intentionally set aside time to withdraw to the place where He is waiting, I kneel before the One who holds the solution to every problem—the One who holds me.

Stay the Course…

Sheila