Journey On

My family and I are on a journey.  We are all on a journey.  Our journey may look and feel different than yours; but I believe our journeys are quite similar.

Our journey has taken us from a small town in Michigan to the mountains of Alaska.  The fact that I followed my husband who was pulling a trailer holding all of our worldly possessions as I trailed behind in a jeep with our daughter next to me and our black lab panting and whining in the back seat all the way up the Alaska Highway, has given me much time to consider my own incredible journey.

As heavy fog clung to the tops of mountains, I clung tightly to the steering wheel, twisting and turning with the curves of the road and contemplating my life.  There is no better place to meditate on God or to consider the course of your personal journey than on rugged roads miles away from civilization.  Having no cell phone reception was also a perfect cure to hear only from God and not to resort to my default of calling a friend.

If I am to be honest; this is not a journey I wanted to take.  I have learned that it is easy to leave a place (whether geographically or otherwise) when you are discontent or when you believe there is something better somewhere else; that the grass is greener in a different pasture—but that was not the case for me.  However, in marriage, as in life, we do not belong to ourselves.  Just as in Christ our lives are not our own; so it is in marriage.  This was a crossroad where the choice made would have consequences far greater than I wanted to imagine.  Perhaps you are at a similar crossroad in your own life.  

Crossroads can bring one’s journey to an abrupt halt as freedom of will kicks in.  At this juncture we have to admit that we want what we want in life.  Scripture suddenly becomes negotiable as “Thy will be done” and “put other’s needs above your own” become words that cause anger to rise from somewhere deep within our very selfish hearts.

Mile after mile my heart ached for my familiar world; for those people whom I had fallen in love with in my small town, for comfort and for safety.  Instead I found myself driving through rain, ascending and descending what appeared to be infinite mountain ranges, all the while listening to my dog pant, whine, drool and bark in the back of the Jeep.  We journeyed on, leaving behind the known, heading ever-so-slowly into the unknown.

I prayed along the path for God to change my heart; to remove the selfishness, anger, and grief and to help me to become more like His Son somewhere in the process.  At first I didn’t want to pray, there were many hours of silence.  

People along the path embraced our family from the beginning to the end of our journey; it was obvious even to this hard hearted chic that God had not turned His face away from our family even in the middle of nowhere.  

The rough roads and intense terrain reminded me of the difficult road we had been traversing for the last several years.  The complete and total exhaustion at the end of each day’s journey reminded me of the times I had wanted to give up; the times life felt too difficult to navigate.  The people along the path reminded me of the people in our small town who God had given us as His greatest gifts; people who loved us and cared for us when we had nothing to give in return.

There were moments on our journey when I knew I had nothing left to give.  I experienced new levels of total exhaustion. In both the good and the not-so-good moments, my husband remained steady and unconditional in his love for me.  His love was a tangible example and reminder that God does not love me any more or any less based on my mood, or my circumstances.  He doesn’t care if I am rich or poor, showered or dirty, makeup or no makeup-- unconditional love.  

I’m not sure when my heart changed; but the process was not pretty.  Yet, by the time we reached our destination after endless days of driving (and did I mention the dog that shared my jeep with me?!) my heart rejoiced.  

Peace that passes understanding; especially the understanding of this writer filled my being.  

I am not young enough nor naïve enough to believe that I am “all better.” I know there will be days or moments when I am tempted to look in the rear view mirror of my past when I should instead keep a steady focus into the eyes of my Maker.  

But I am not afraid.

The One who formed us in our mother’s wombs is not taken aback at the ugly truth of what we try to keep locked inside when life's journey becomes difficult. We cannot scare Him away. It bears repeating that His love is unconditional.

As I behold the beauty of His glory in the mountains of Alaska and as you behold His beauty in the geography of your own life; He asks only that we continue to put all of our trust in Him as we journey on in faith, following His will for our lives.  

If there’s one thing I am certain of it is this: we are never alone in our journey.  God cares for us in ways that we do not deserve and in ways that we will never fully understand.

Oh, and one more thing I am certain of--we need each other; even when we think we don’t.  

The joy truly is in the journey, so let’s journey on together in Him.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote