How Did This Happen?

(Less than two months ago our daughter was married in our back yard in Adrian, MI.  Many of you have experienced giving a child away in marriage, if not yet --you will one day..  I wrote this letter to our daughter and read it to her and our new son-in-law at their wedding reception.)

I’m guessing that right now Sarah is saying to herself, “Oh no, my mamma wrote something about me—please don’t let it be embarrassing!”

I had to—there are things that must be said!

The other day as I was driving around town doing errands, the question popped into my mind, “How did this happen?”

We’ve all heard countless times how quickly the years go; how in the blink of an eye the circle of life runs its course.  

It’s true that just a few blinks ago we found out that we were expecting our first baby—a boy is what we were told.  As you can all clearly see; they were mistaken.  Sarah Jessica made her entrance into the world.  “How did this happen?” I thought as I awkwardly held her bobbling head wondering how to care for a little girl who expected me to understand baby language.  Don’t get me wrong, I knew how IT had happened; what I didn’t know was what to do with the little bundle who counted on her mama and daddy for her very existence. 

As parents, we did a lot of things wrong.  I couldn’t make her like the things that I liked even though I tried really hard.  She was artistic and musical and loved painting her nails, making her hair pretty and playing with makeup.  I made her run track, and play softball.  The softball helmet messed up her gorgeous hair, the softball glove ruined her nails and the dust from the field got her pretty red sneakers all dirty.  “How did this happen?” I thought to myself from the bleachers as I wondered why she wasn’t having the time of her life.

In spite of me, Sarah continued to grow into her own self.  We became more than mother and daughter, we became friends.  She was so different from me and yet in some instances so much like me that I eventually learned how to embrace the beauty of my child. Sarah’s uniqueness somehow lay in the way she made choices to not match the crowd, to draw lines in the sand of morality and to be a quiet giant for the God of the universe who had captured her heart from an early age.

“How did this happen?” I silently prayed as we dropped her off in Dallas Texas to attend Christ For The Nations so she could pursue her desire to become a missionary.  I couldn’t have been more proud yet my heart was torn as our family of five drove away from Dallas with one of our seats empty. 

As months turned into one year and then into two years, the girl who stubbornly proclaimed that she would not date while at college began to call home to share news of a “boy” who was different from anyone she had ever met.  His name was Billy (just kidding--his name was Jachin)! 

Naturally, I did what any mother would do; I found an excuse to fly to Dallas to see if I could stop the madness before it was too late!  

Something strange happened that weekend.  My husband and I met Jachin’s parents and we fell in love with them.  Russell and Nylece were a breath of fresh air to us and our hearts were at peace.  

Soon Jachin called Jesse to ask for permission to start dating our daughter.  My heart rejoiced and my heart ached.  I blinked a few times and Jachin once again called my husband, only this time he was asking for our daughter’s hand in marriage.  “How did this happen?” I asked as I stuck my ear next to Jesse’s ear so I wouldn’t miss any of the conversation!  I’m really not one to meddle.

The entire above story has led us to this moment here today, right now.  As I behold my beautiful daughter and her HUSBAND (wow.) I can clearly see that God has brought us all together to honor this moment in time.  It’s as if the world has slowed down for just a second so that we can pause and celebrate the One who is never too soon and never too late in His gift of matchmaking.  So although we celebrate Sarah and Jachin today, we honor God for His incredible goodness and for His purpose in joining these two lives together.

Take in the beauty of this day and hold it always close to your hearts.  The world is no respecter of marriage.  Each new day presents us with choices and opportunities.  Some choices will bring you closer to each other and some will create space between you.  Chose always that which brings you closer, even if the other choice glitters more brightly.  Even if the whole world tells you to turn left; if your spouse tells you to turn right, I pray you will turn right.  If one of you feels that you have failed, I pray the other will whisper into his or her ear, “you are not a failure.” 

I pray that the bumps in the road will deepen your faith in God and strengthen the core of your marriage.  I pray that you will never assume anything and that the words you speak to one another of life and encouragement will far outweigh the words spoken in anger.  I pray that if there is one thing you have learned from watching me and your dad’s marriage (and Jachin-your parent’s marriage), it would be that it is not how easy the journey or how difficult the journey, but rather that the journey is traversed together.

Mostly, I pray that you will both always, at all times, keep your eyes on God.  It is only who He says you are that matters and only what He asks you to do with your lives that count.  Remember this-- especially when things don’t make sense and you are staring at each other asking, “How did this happen?”

And finally, in answer to my own question of “How did this happen?” I do not know, but I am so very thankful that it did.

I know I speak on behalf of my own husband and on behalf of Russell and Nylece when I say, “We believe in you, we support you and we love you Mr. and Mrs. Jachin Putnam.”

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote

Journey On

My family and I are on a journey.  We are all on a journey.  Our journey may look and feel different than yours; but I believe our journeys are quite similar.

Our journey has taken us from a small town in Michigan to the mountains of Alaska.  The fact that I followed my husband who was pulling a trailer holding all of our worldly possessions as I trailed behind in a jeep with our daughter next to me and our black lab panting and whining in the back seat all the way up the Alaska Highway, has given me much time to consider my own incredible journey.

As heavy fog clung to the tops of mountains, I clung tightly to the steering wheel, twisting and turning with the curves of the road and contemplating my life.  There is no better place to meditate on God or to consider the course of your personal journey than on rugged roads miles away from civilization.  Having no cell phone reception was also a perfect cure to hear only from God and not to resort to my default of calling a friend.

If I am to be honest; this is not a journey I wanted to take.  I have learned that it is easy to leave a place (whether geographically or otherwise) when you are discontent or when you believe there is something better somewhere else; that the grass is greener in a different pasture—but that was not the case for me.  However, in marriage, as in life, we do not belong to ourselves.  Just as in Christ our lives are not our own; so it is in marriage.  This was a crossroad where the choice made would have consequences far greater than I wanted to imagine.  Perhaps you are at a similar crossroad in your own life.  

Crossroads can bring one’s journey to an abrupt halt as freedom of will kicks in.  At this juncture we have to admit that we want what we want in life.  Scripture suddenly becomes negotiable as “Thy will be done” and “put other’s needs above your own” become words that cause anger to rise from somewhere deep within our very selfish hearts.

Mile after mile my heart ached for my familiar world; for those people whom I had fallen in love with in my small town, for comfort and for safety.  Instead I found myself driving through rain, ascending and descending what appeared to be infinite mountain ranges, all the while listening to my dog pant, whine, drool and bark in the back of the Jeep.  We journeyed on, leaving behind the known, heading ever-so-slowly into the unknown.

I prayed along the path for God to change my heart; to remove the selfishness, anger, and grief and to help me to become more like His Son somewhere in the process.  At first I didn’t want to pray, there were many hours of silence.  

People along the path embraced our family from the beginning to the end of our journey; it was obvious even to this hard hearted chic that God had not turned His face away from our family even in the middle of nowhere.  

The rough roads and intense terrain reminded me of the difficult road we had been traversing for the last several years.  The complete and total exhaustion at the end of each day’s journey reminded me of the times I had wanted to give up; the times life felt too difficult to navigate.  The people along the path reminded me of the people in our small town who God had given us as His greatest gifts; people who loved us and cared for us when we had nothing to give in return.

There were moments on our journey when I knew I had nothing left to give.  I experienced new levels of total exhaustion. In both the good and the not-so-good moments, my husband remained steady and unconditional in his love for me.  His love was a tangible example and reminder that God does not love me any more or any less based on my mood, or my circumstances.  He doesn’t care if I am rich or poor, showered or dirty, makeup or no makeup-- unconditional love.  

I’m not sure when my heart changed; but the process was not pretty.  Yet, by the time we reached our destination after endless days of driving (and did I mention the dog that shared my jeep with me?!) my heart rejoiced.  

Peace that passes understanding; especially the understanding of this writer filled my being.  

I am not young enough nor naïve enough to believe that I am “all better.” I know there will be days or moments when I am tempted to look in the rear view mirror of my past when I should instead keep a steady focus into the eyes of my Maker.  

But I am not afraid.

The One who formed us in our mother’s wombs is not taken aback at the ugly truth of what we try to keep locked inside when life's journey becomes difficult. We cannot scare Him away. It bears repeating that His love is unconditional.

As I behold the beauty of His glory in the mountains of Alaska and as you behold His beauty in the geography of your own life; He asks only that we continue to put all of our trust in Him as we journey on in faith, following His will for our lives.  

If there’s one thing I am certain of it is this: we are never alone in our journey.  God cares for us in ways that we do not deserve and in ways that we will never fully understand.

Oh, and one more thing I am certain of--we need each other; even when we think we don’t.  

The joy truly is in the journey, so let’s journey on together in Him.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote