The Boardwalk

This afternoon as I lay on my bed sorting through all that is happening in my immediate world, I could not contain the tears that insisted on sliding down my face. I wasn’t sobbing or praying; yet the tears seemed to know the emotion deep in my heart that I had been attempting to ignore.

Tears can be so annoying and messy.

I decided to pull myself together and take a run to the park with the hopes of finding solace on the boardwalk as I have done so many times before.

I didn’t pray as I ran, instead music blasted in my ears as I blocked reality from my thoughts. I focused on my form and my breathing and the large cracks in the sidewalk that could take me down if I wasn’t attentive.

Entering the park, heading for the boardwalk, I forced myself to turn off the blasting music--even with a bad attitude I was thankful there no signs of human life on my precious boardwalk.

Honestly, I was ticked at God. I know “spiritual” men and women who claim that they have never been mad at God; knowing that made me even more ticked. Considering that God already knew the true state of my heart, pretending seemed silly and, after all, He had been gracious enough to give me the boardwalk all to myself so that I could have an honest conversation with Him.

At first I found myself cantankerous as I began to tell God that I needed Him to meet with me. I told Him that I had questions and that I needed answers. What nerve for the created to demand a presence with her Creator. I thought of Job and how humbled he was when God gave him his wish for an audience with his Maker. It wasn’t pretty. I wondered if lightening might strike me dead on the spot.

However, something that I wasn’t expecting happened as I poured out my heart to my Father. As I shared my heart, longing for His presence and for answers and to feel “seen;” He met me. Birds of various colors began to fly in the section of trees where I stood, each more lovely than the other. I was mesmerized by the beauty of God’s creation. I was standing on holy ground.

I was reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew (6:23-27) “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

Those messy tears came back out of nowhere and this time I didn’t stop them. I no longer cared if anyone else should venture onto the boardwalk. He reminded me of His faithfulness. He reminded me of His goodness. I was deeply humbled.

I asked God to forgive me for my lack of faith and once again laid my will down in trade for His.

Turning to leave the boardwalk, I felt forgiven and pure.

Sometimes, when we are in serious pursuit of God, He beckons us to meet with Him. In the stillness of His presence, we are changed by an unchanging God.

One day we shall behold Him face to face…but for now I’m thankful for the boardwalk.

Stay the Course...

Sheila Cote