(This blog post is longer than usual. I hope you will read it through and if it doesn't pertain to you, that you will share it with a person who might be given a glimpse of hope regarding church hurts.)
Throughout the different stages of my own personal story of church healing, a journey which I still find myself wrestling through from time to time, I have realized a few truths that may prove helpful for others when relating to a bedraggled, wounded believer such as me.
When a person has been hurt by the church, they may not only struggle with those within the church who have hurt them but also with anyone who claims to be a Christian. It’s not fair, but once trust has been broken, keeping those connected to the church at a distance becomes an automatic default mechanism for safety’s sake.
A gesture as innocent as a well-meaning individual telling a wounded believer that time heals, or that one must forgive, even when conveyed in the most caring tone is sure to feel like a stab to the heart. What we hear from our severed hearts is that we should just “be ok” and get over our pain. The impending reminder of our failure to move forward reopens the floodgate to the verbal, spiritual or emotional abuse received by a past person or persons in authority, often a pastor.
The truth about a wounded believer is that we are an angry lot. Instead of being left alone by church leadership so that we can “heal,” we need to be pursued. We are in desperate need of a man of the cloth who is not willing to wait for us to ask for help, because we won’t. We need to know that we are worth fighting for—not so that we can be useful to the church but so that we can be well.
When a wounded person enters a new church with hopes of a fresh start, they can prove to be very difficult to read. Body language threatens anyone to come close while the hurting voice within begs for acceptance. Often, unwittingly at times, church critics within the four walls watch from a safe distance asking, “Who does she think she is?” or whispers circulate that a person is unfriendly or an ice-princess.
Who DOES she think she is? The truth is that she doesn’t think that she is anyone at all; that is what she has been told by a brother or sister in Christ. The truth is that she appears to be cold, calloused and uncaring because she is afraid and unsure how to allow anyone close again for fear of re-opening her wounds. Often times, the sight of a wounded saint unable to pretend they are well is more than a church is willing or equipped to embrace.
A simple worship song intended to draw one closer to God triggers memories from long before her world unraveled; a time when she had unwaveringly believed each word she sang. Now, instead, she stands motionless, staring blankly at nothing, praying only for the song to end.
Throughout the sermon, a single word or phrase has the ability to re-open a not-yet-healed wound so quickly that fear and nausea overwhelm her anxious heart. She attempts to find the quickest exit, pushing quickly through the sanctuary after the last “amen” not because she is an ice princess but for fear of hurting another with the sharpened knife of her own tongue.
Although it appears that she hates the church, the truth is that she longs for the church (though she wishes she did not). Longing for acceptance for who she is, without merit, seems as unobtainable as jumping hurdles at the Olympics. The truth is that once a person has been deeply wounded by the church, they are never the same. This truth is scary and makes a wounded believer wonder if they will ever be able to embrace their new identity.
True healing begins and ends in the sanctuary of our own prayer closets; only the Holy Spirit brings healing. It is on our knees where we learn than no person can nor should be to us what only our Maker can be—and so we wait for the Lord to renew our strength.
The power of the Holy Spirit enables us to re-enter God’s church; a healthy church. This is what the wounded search for; a church offering grace and patience in lieu of judgment or condemnation.
Sadly, many wounded solder’s turn away from instead of to the church. The vulnerability required to re-enter a place that no longer feels safe can prove to be crippling. And so, Satan continues to pluck God’s isolated children from the church; which is why the wounded must be pursued.
The truth about healing is that it takes time. A lot of time. Those brave enough to stay the course of the healing process do not determine the timeline for healing. Broken trust may take years to reconcile.
Jesus did not come for the well but for the sick and broken- He calls His church to do the same. Both within and without of the church walls.
Wounded soldiers, inflicted with life-threatening wounds from their own comrades lie in cold ditches, lost identity and lost voices, all used up, questioning everything they once believed. The truth is that the church needs to care.
It’s time to rise up as the true church of God: relentlessly loving, relentlessly pursuing, relentlessly caring for and relentlessly standing in the gap fighting for freedom and healing for our brother’s and sister’s in Christ.
Ice Princess returns week after week with the hope that the church will embrace its true purpose; with the hope that the church will embrace her.
Stay the Course…
Sheila
