In preparing for an upcoming trip back to the state where our children were mostly raised, the place where I also spent some memorable years of my own childhood, and the place where my husband and I were fully engaged in every sphere of life—it got me thinking.
Have you ever been fully engaged in life when suddenly something happens and you are no longer able to keep life in working order? When you are dragged away from chosen and cherished patterns to face strange crisis?
In Brennan Manning’s book, “The Ragamuffin Gospel,” he shares this occurrence so poignantly: “Many people between the ages of thirty and sixty- whatever their stature in the community and whatever their personal achievements - undergo what can truly be called a second journey.”
Second journeys happen in different ways and at unexpected times when suddenly what has been normal is interrupted by a probing thought (such as “Is there more to life than making money?”), a circumstance such as an accident or an infidelity, the sudden loss of a loved one, or crises of differing natures.
Manning goes on to say, “Second journeys usually end quietly with a new wisdom and a coming to a true sense of self that releases great power. The wisdom is that of an adult who has regained equilibrium, stabilized, and found fresh purpose and new dreams. It is a wisdom that gives some things up, lets some things die, and accepts human limitations. It is a wisdom that realizes: I cannot expect anyone to understand me fully. It is wisdom that admits the inevitability of old age and death. It is a wisdom that has faced the pain caused by parents, spouse, family, friends, colleagues, business associates, and has truly forgiven them and acknowledged with unexpected compassion that these people are neither angels nor devils, but only human.
The second journey begins when we know we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the morning program. We are aware that we only have a limited amount of time left to accomplish that which is really important - and that awareness illumines for us what really matters, what really counts. This conviction provides a new center.”
For me, having a name to identify with what has been happening in my world for the last several years - a second journey or second calling - has brought great peace and awakened an inner strength. Instead of wondering “What’s wrong with me?” I am realizing that God is beckoning me into deeper relationship with Him. A relationship that at times feels isolated and lonely. I am learning day by day that God loves me as I am, not for whom I hope to one day become - no performance necessary.
Manning states that the second call is “a summons to a deeper, more mature commitment of faith where the naiveté, first fervor, and untested idealism of the morning and the first commitment have been seasoned with pain, rejection, failure, loneliness, and self-knowledge.”
If you are struggling and feel that you have been stumbling and failing; do not be discouraged. God may be calling you into your second journey and into a new understanding of how deep is His love for you. We are not called to project the perfect image of ourselves to the world. We are called to love as we have been loved by the One who laid down His life for us— the One who IS Love.
As I prepare to head back to my old stomping grounds I chose to revel in the beauty of the priceless memories made with my family in a place we once called home.
Though the transition from the morning program to the afternoon program has had its share of bumps and what some might label “FAILURE,” I find that I am still smiling. I am choosing to walk bravely through the door marked “Second Journey” filled with renewed hope and peace — with the grace of a woman who no longer fears failure; a woman deeply loved by her Creator.
Stay the Course…
Sheila
